I RECEIVED a lot of feedback from readers who remembered SWOT from the time it was published in the early 2000s. I loved reading through the comments and messages, including a mention of someone wanting to take up where SWOT left off, ie, a single woman in her 1950s. I’d love to read a SWOF, if you will, and I hope an editor will grab this opportunity.

However, a direct message from a reader asking why popular culture continues to portray female friendship as problematic. She was referring to the “toxic trio” friendship on the new season of the popular American TV series, TheWhite Lotus. “Why are we still getting a kick out of knocking women down?” she asked.

I admitted I’d seen lots of articles about this specific female friendship floating on social media but because so much of the posts’ language was laced with misogyny, and full of the usual tropes about petty jealousies ruining female friendship, I didn’t want to get into it. But because I have a lot of FOMO (fear of missing out) and trust my sister’s advice in most things, especially TV shows, I wanted to see it for myself.

The new season of White Lotus, set in an expensive resort in Thailand, tells the story of many characters but I was interested in the three white female friends from childhood reuniting at the resort. Jaclyn, a successful actor, treats her friends Laurie and Kate to this trip. On the surface, this trio is happy to be together but slowly we begin to see cracks. (Spoilers ahead.) When they are a duo, they backbite and gossip about the absent third friend and even when they are together, there’s an undercurrent of tension, a false bravado. Things are not as perfect as they’re portraying — not unlike anyone who uses social media, which causes us to compare and express despair at our imperfect lives.

Who hasn’t felt that life hasn’t turned out the way we thought it would?

Laurie, especially, seems to be struggling to fit in with her friends — both happily married — and as each episode progresses, we learn more about the women, like how Kate supports Trump, something the other two didn’t see coming. The tension rises when men are thrown into the mix. Because it’s a popular TV show, there’s a lot of media coverage. Internet forums speculate the trio’s friendship won’t last the trip. It can’t, Redditors argue, because of the microaggressions between the women. I admit the women really make it hard for you to like, even empathise with them.

But the finale had both me and the lady who messaged me think otherwise. In that episode, the ladies meet for their final dinner and Jaclyn and Kate reflect on this amazing trip. However, instead of faking their feelings about the time they had together, Laurie admits her sadness; life has not turned out the way she hoped.

“I have no belief system. Well, I mean, I’ve had a lot of them,” she says, referring to work, love, and motherhood as ‘religions’ that proved either painful or didn’t save her from the grief she felt. “But I had this epiphany today: I don’t need religion … to give my life meaning, because time gives it meaning.”

Despite the ups and downs of their relationship, Laurie says their friendship “feels meaningful and I can’t explain it but even when we’re just sitting around the pool talking about whatever … it still feels very [expletive] deep”.

I really thought Laurie was going to ‘break up’ the group but in a twist stemming from pure honesty, she ends up keeping it together. “I am glad you have a beautiful face and I’m glad that you have a beautiful life. I am just happy to be at the table,” she says.

I understood why the internet was won over and why reams were written about that monologue. Which one among us hasn’t felt that life has not turned out the way we thought it would? We can feel like a failure when we compare our life with our more successful friends, whom we love but who become the source of our self-loathing, for no fault of their own. Friendship is complicated because we feel both love and resentment. But time, as Laurie realises, doesn’t strip the relationship down to something bad.

I think there is too much expectation that shared histories keep friendship together. The burden is always heavier on women, in this case, that their paths will diverge and they will make decisions that don’t conform to whatever values they once subscribed to. Just because you support X party or chose to be childless doesn’t mean you don’t love your friends. I liked how the White Lotus showed that friendship grows as we do and takes time to bloom.

The writer is a journalism instructor.

X: @LedeingLady

Published in Dawn, April 20th, 2025