We should all be nice and good human beings, who help others and care for them. However, we should not be overly nice, because excess of anything is bad. Just like medicines can cure illnesses, taking an overdose can lead to severe side-effects instead of improving our health. So anything in excessive starts causing harm.

If we are excessively nice, people take advantage of our kindness. People who are very nice and sweet, tend to face more hardships because they get deceived the most, and are often undervalued and disrespected. This happens because others perceive them as too innocent and naive, and incapable of retaliation. Seeking revenge is wrong, but speaking up for your rights is not.

Every individual should have the power to say “No”. There are many people who always say “Yes” to please others, even if they are busy themselves. But when someone asks them for help, they immediately leave their own tasks to assist. Ironically, those who are always available for others often find themselves alone when they need help. This is because constantly pleasing others can lead to them being taken for granted and not having anything done for them in return.

Moreover, if you always please others, you will become like a toy for them, which they will play with and discard when they are done. That’s why you should never hesitate to say “No” to anything that goes against your boundaries, makes you uncomfortable, is inconvenient and potentially harmful to you. You should also not worry about the other person getting upset, because sacrificing your own boundaries and priorities to please others is not your responsibility.

In relationships, there should be no clashes of egos. If you are at fault, you should apologise to save the relationship. However, if you are always the one compromising and apologising, even when you are not at fault, then it’s time to re-evaluate the situation and the relationship. Otherwise, the other person will continue to expect you to apologise, even when they are at fault.

A healthy relationship requires equal efforts from both parties. Just as you can’t clap with one hand, a relationship can’t thrive with one-sided efforts. If you are always the one making efforts, then you are being taken advantage of.

Don’t devalue yourself by letting others use you. When someone insults you or makes fun of you, and you remain silent, it sends a message to the other person that their behaviour is acceptable, and they can continue to behave in the same manner. Insults should not be tolerated at any cost, because your self-respect matters.

For those who are very nice, silence may seem like an easier choice at such moment, but it creates problems in the long run, both for them and their relationships. When they remain silent, many issues remain unresolved, and the other person feels emboldened to say whatever they want, whenever they want. Therefore, never remain silent when insulted or faced with something that is unacceptable.

In today’s world, good people are often taken for granted and remembered only when needed, and as soon as they have served their purpose, they are ignored.

So if you are always available to everyone, others will assume your time and energy is of no consequence, and won’t value you or your time. The truth is, people only appreciate things that are scarce. It is not to say that you should become completely unavailable. Look at it this way: While water is essential for a plant, if you overwater a plant, it dies. Similarly, if you are too available in a relationship, it can also suffer. You lose the importance of your time in the other person’s mind. Therefore, it’s essential to strike a balance.

Nice people think that everyone is like them, and this is their biggest mistake. Due to this mind-set, they easily trust others, are extra kind, and expect the same efforts in return. However, when others don’t reciprocate with the same efforts and they are not appreciated for their endeavours, their feelings ultimately get hurt.

Therefore, you should also put in the same amount of efforts for others as they do for you. Establish boundaries and don’t tolerate anything that crosses those boundaries. Start standing up for yourself. Put yourself first, it is not always selfish to do so. In fact, it’s by prioritising your needs and goals that you progress and become successful. And once you are successful, you will be able to do so much more for yourself, your family, and society. A person who is unsuccessful can’t even take care of themselves, so how can they take care of others?

Even on an airplane, the safety announcement instructs you to put on your own oxygen mask first when the oxygen level drops in case of an emergency, even if there is a child or elderly person sitting next to you who can’t put on their mask themselves. This is because when the oxygen level drops, you start losing consciousness within seconds. In such a situation, you will not only put yourself in danger, but also the person you are trying to help.

By taking care of yourself, you put yourself in a position where you can take care of others. That’s why it’s essential to priorities your needs over others. By doing so, you will not only become successful, but will also gain more respect and value in the eyes of others.

Published in Dawn, Young World, April 5th, 2025