This is the mega project you all must be dying to invest in.

At the time of skyrocketing prices of property, especially in Karachi’s prime areas of Defence and Clifton, your chances of purchasing any precious piece of land or lasting abode are diminishing fast.

In these tough times, Paradise Developers are delighted to offer an opportunity to own your own small piece of land in the finest locality of the city, at affordable prices with plenty of fringe benefits.

This is an ideal option for all those who long for a peaceful resting place for themselves (or for their relatives) in an ambience filled with a coastal breeze, palm trees, and idyllic surroundings. You are all invited to visit and observe for yourself the future taking shape on your grave site.

The elderly who are running on grace period are strictly advised to take all precautions and survive just one more year which is when the project will be complete. Please note we will not be accepting any transfers from other graveyards as no second-hand dead is entertained.

Given the increasingly prohibitive cost of acquiring land in Karachi, a real estate project everyone would die for…

Paradise Developers’ Project is spread across 50 acres of land, divided into five phases. Three phases offer several small pieces of land for sale. The fourth phase will house an exclusive shopping mall for visitors to the graveyard, while the fifth phase will feature an amusement park. A proper jogging track skirting the graves of Phase I is also being planned. The suggestion of a surrounding golf course is also under consideration. Stay fit by offering respects to the departed souls.

Phase I is the prime area, with bigger allotments of 10x7 foot graves. What’s more, every allotment is a corner one. That’s 5,000 well-dug-out graves which will be available on a ‘first come first serve’ basis. Soil and earth will be imported from Europe and fibreglass canopies will be available for smaller plots.

Mineral water will be used at the time of burial. All graves will have in-built, dedicated stereo speakers, which will broadcast the person’s choice of recitation, day and night. On special occasions such as Eid, colourful buntings will be provided by the management. All graves will be awash with red on Valentine’s Day.

Security will be dead tight, and no one will be allowed to enter or leave the premises after midnight, not even the dead. Closed-circuit cameras can be installed inside each grave to monitor any unnatural movements.

Rich families can bury their women with their favourite necklaces and pendants without a worry. We give a guarantee that the dead as well as their belongings will be secure forever. Of course, annual insurance premium will be charged.

For more affluent couples, we will offer ‘eternal love suites’, ie twin graves in this phase. These will have marble flooring, heart-shaped coffins (if required), and special services, such as sprays of expensive insecticide and body sprays. The only precondition is the couple should have died within seven days of each other. Such occurrences are common these days in case of accidents etc. and we feel there is enough public demand for such a proposition. Just Imagine the loving couple entering the heavens hand in hand.

Our creative director believes that such graves will be spiritually beneficial for the surviving family. Small caveat: this arrangement of eternal proximity will, however, require the deceased husband’s written consent (obtained at the time of booking) duly notarised by the notary public, as some might loathe such eternal closeness. A special option of a Taj Mahal-style mini-tomb is also available for a deceased wife.

Phase 2 is for the middle class, whose graves will also be as attractive, though the soil will be local and security less. To accommodate the middle class fondness for benches, these graves will double as benches too.

Phase 3 is reserved for the lowest strata of society. As equal opportunity developers, we see no difference between classes, especially once 10 feet under. However, since grieving habits are vastly different across classes, a certain demarcation is necessary. After 10 years, the management reserves the right to lease the grave afresh. Bear in mind that no graveyard in the city offers a 10-year guarantee to the poor.

The Emporium/Mall on the premises — which, fittingly will resemble a giant grave — will house 100 shops and offer an opportunity for families, especially women, to wash their sorrows away by shopping until they drop dead.

This will be a perfect place for recreation for the entertainment-starved families of the city. In the future, we also have plans to hold rock concerts to incentivise the young to frequent their elders.

Eligibility Terms

Sons and daughters can apply for parents, uncles and aunts.

Parents/guardians can apply for themselves with the consent of children, as the latter are the ones who will have to bear the maintenance fee for life.

No political fugitive can apply for a grave as a refuge.

Spouses of all types and counts are eligible. Special discounts are available for two graves and for family deals. Initial booking money is not refundable.

Relatives must ensure that the body has been properly pronounced dead by a certified doctor. We don’t want untoward waking-up of the half-dead at burial or later.

The booked must die within three years from the booking, otherwise an additional Rs 20,000 per month surcharge (adjustable for USD parity) will be charged from the family. In other words, it would be in the family’s financial interest to ensure that the three-year time-limit is not exceeded.

Applicants for Phase 1 may be buried with their beloved pet/s, provided it/they died within two days of the deceased. No separate coffin will be provided.

No eatables will be allowed in the graveyard section of the Complex and certainly not inside the grave.

This is truly an investment for your future. Apply now, before owning land in Karachi becomes totally prohibitive.

The writer is the award-winning novelist of Melody of a Tear and The Liar’s Truth.
X: @Haroontheauthor

Published in Dawn, EOS, September 10th, 2023