Hello Auntie, 
I hope you are doing well. Lately, my life has been very difficult. In fact, I would say it is the worst period of my life. I am a 20-year-old boy and have recently graduated with a Master’s degree in English literature. Now I want to continue my studies, but there is a big hurdle in my path and that hurdle is my university-life crush. She was my classfellow and I courted her for four years. While it seemed that she didn’t reciprocate my love, at the same time she did not say no to me either.

Because of this, I had pinned all my hopes on our graduation day, after which I planned to send my parents to her house to ask for her hand. All of a sudden, on graduation day, she told me that she was engaged. The way things stand, I have no chance of having her ever in my life. I feel betrayed and desperate. I just want to stop existing, as my mind is constantly busy coming up with different ways of fulfilling my earlier wishes. I wish I had an alternative and could live as happily as I did before seeing her and being betrayed by her. After this how can I continue to exist anymore?  
Betrayed

‘I feel betrayed and desperate’

Dear Betrayed 
Why are you feeling betrayed? In your letter you have clearly said that she didn’t reciprocate your love. She did not love you. You chose to spend time with her and got emotionally involved with her in your head. There was nothing going on between the two of you. Some would argue that the girl led you down the garden path by hanging out with you. However, she never said that she loved you. Also, just because you are hanging out with a member of the opposite sex does not mean that you are interested in them. A lot of students and colleagues hang out together. I am sure you also hung out with other girls in college without developing feelings for them. Similarly, this girl hung out with you without developing feelings for you.

Next, feel the pain and accept the situation. Much as you like this girl, she really doesn’t care about you in the way that you would like her to. At the same time, you don’t have to hate her for not reciprocating your feelings. You will hurt for some time, and the wise thing to do will be to accept your pain and feel it. Do not suppress your pain.

So your crush did nothing wrong. However, since you got emotionally involved with her, it will take you some time to get over her. While it is fine to feel sad, you should also learn your lessons from this. The first and most important lesson is that love isn’t always reciprocated, and that is fine. 

Next, feel the pain and accept the situation. Much as you like this girl, she really doesn’t care about you in the way that you would like her to. At the same time, you don’t have to hate her for not reciprocating your feelings. You will hurt for some time, and the wise thing to do will be to accept your pain and feel it. Do not suppress your pain. Feel it, but also know that you deserve to be loved and will find love again.

Right now you may feel like she was the only woman for you, but there are other potential partners out there. You may not agree right now, but one day you will move on from this situation and find someone who reciprocates your feeling and this episode will feel like a distant dream. You will be older and wiser and, hopefully, will navigate the next relationship in a more mature way. For now, just go easy on yourself.   Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, May 30th, 2021