Good evening Auntie,

I hope you are doing well. I am writing to highlight an issue that ails our society. Although, we all understand that life isn’t fair, I still think that it is unfortunate that, when looking for a match, a majority of girls are interested in well-settled guys only. In terms of equality, we now see that men and women mostly have equal economic opportunities. Yet, a high percentage of girls settle only for husbands who hold government jobs or are well-established businessmen. Parents, too, prefer a match with a stable income for their daughters.

Most of the time, boys who have good hearts and personality get rejected as unsuitable matches because they are financially struggling. Why is this so? I don’t see the light at the end of this tunnel. I wish Jane Austen’s romanticism could return.

Struggling boy

Dear Struggling Boy,

I am going to attempt to explain here why it seems that women and their families only want rich men. Please understand that this is not a justification of this pattern. It is only an explanation. So here goes.

‘Why do women choose rich men only?’

To begin to understand this, let’s be realistic. Women and men do not have equal economic opportunities as you have said in your email. Despite the many strides taken by the women’s movement, we still live in a world that is male-dominated. The dice is usually loaded against the average woman. We have a long history of being sidelined in the world and the rise of women and feminism in the world is still fairly new. The world is still getting its head around it and the light at the end of the tunnel is that younger people are generally more open to the idea of equality.

However, here’s a hard fact for you to consider: the World Economic Forum in 2018 predicted that it will take 202 years for the pay gap to close between men and women globally. So, unless a woman was born into privilege and had incredibly supportive friends and families which enabled her to go to college and work in a very supportive workplace … she probably has had to think long and hard about her survival and the survival of her children. It is not just women; we also see the same patterns in any group that is underprivileged.

In the Third World, where we live, and where the population is largely disadvantaged, women are at the bottom of even that pile. Is it then any surprise that women and their families are looking for financial stability from wherever they can get it? Most people will use the path of least effort to better their lives. Look carefully, you are probably doing the same in some area of your life. (Anyone remember, letting someone else do the hard work of writing notes in class and then simply photocopying them?) So marriage to a rich man seems like a no-brainer if you compare it to doing a nine-to-five job for decades, provided you get a nine-to-five job in the first place.

Having said that, it is not fair to make blanket statements about all women and assume that they all want rich husbands. There are women who are not expecting a free ride, who are wise enough to realise that marrying a rich man — or even just marrying — is not a free ride. They understand that freeloading is not their end goal or the solution to whatever ails them. I am sure you have seen women in colleges or in the workplace who are serious about their work. There are women who have ambitions and who will do their share in a relationship. The question is: are the men ready to deal with such women? Are they ready to deal with a woman who is as educated as them, who contributes financially to the household and has a say in all matters?

That’s Auntie’s reply, devoid of Jane Austen’s romanticism. I hope you find someone who is not a gold-digger and I also expect that you will become the supportive spouse such a woman would need.

 Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, March 8th, 2020