Loss of one’s mother is one of the most devastating losses that could happen in one’s life. For one, you loose the person who loves you fully and unconditionally. And then your source of solace, peace and tranquillity goes away.

Ever since the death of my mother, I have come to realise the importance of mothers in general. I miss my mother all the time. Some think that time heals all wounds, but the loss of one’s mother is an exception to this generalisation. The pain of missing her stays with you till your last breath. It lessens gradually over months and years, but never goes away fully.

Though we have other relationships in life, the ‘mother and child relationship is the most selfless relationship. It is more often than not based on the selfless love and care without any regard to the material things in life.

As a child, “ma” or “mother” is the first word that you say in your time of trouble or need. And even when you grow up, it is your mother’s comforting hug and encouraging words that take away your troubles and make you feel good.

My mother was a working lady. She was a school teacher but still managed all the household chores. She was stronger than what she and her family thought she was. Twice, she fought with cancer successfully but she was not lucky the third time.

As a person, she was really simple and straightforward. In her social dealings, she was devoid of any diplomacy or tactfulness. She said it straight, held no grudges and was forgiving.

On occasions when my father was not able to afford a certain thing for my siblings and I, my mother made sure she managed to get that thing for us. In fact, she sacrificed so much for the well-being of her children. She suffered at times; but she made sure that her children would not suffer because of any decision that she made even for her own well-being. She and my father had their differences at times but, for the sake of her children, she was the one who always took a bow on those occasions.

“The death of a mother is the first sorrow wept without her.” — Unknown

The last few months of her life were particularly painful for her and our family. She had brain cancer and was unable to move her arms and legs. Seeing her helpless and in pain was a sight unbearable for us. We did all we could do to lessen her pain. I wished that I could take all her pain on me but that was something that I was unable to do. And hence it was a huge source of helplessness for me.

Losing her has been a source of many new experiences and realisations for me. And based on those experiences, I would disagree with those people who think that fathers are the nucleus of each home or family. In my opinion, mothers are the ones that keep a family together.

When a family loses a mother, there is an inevitable decline in the level of love between siblings; and father and children. This is because mothers are the ones who stay in touch with all family members, and share and communicate all the family news. She would urge each family members to forgive and forget, and remove whatever differences they had with each other.

Another lesson I have learnt has come from keeping the memory of my mother alive in my heart. I have started to appreciate and remember all the people that I have lost in my life. I believe that, while we honour and respect the living, it is also important to keep the dead people alive in our hearts.

I visit my mother’s grave often, and those of my grandparents and maternal uncle. And I miss every single thing about them that is treasured in my memory. It is my humble advice for everyone to not take your loved ones for granted. At least, certainly not your mother! God forbid, if you lose her, you will regret all your lack of effort in loving and caring for her.

All Mother’s Days are so painful for all those who have lost their mother.

‘Mother’ tongue words

There are 48 words in the English language that contain the word ‘mother’. Some are lovely words, like ‘motherhood’ and ‘motherly’, some are less lovely, like ‘chemotherapy’ and ‘smothering’, and some can’t even be printed here.

For extra credit, you can tell your mum that the word ‘motherlode’, which means an abundant source of supply, has its origins in 19th century mining camps but is, in fact, an homage to the abundant source of love that has been ascribed to mothers.

The name is mama!

Babies in virtually every country on the planet speak the word “mama”, and almost every language in almost every country has some recognisable form of the word.

Mother’s Day, how it all began...

During and following the Civil War in America, Ann Jarvis made a concerted effort to foster friendship and community between the mothers on both sides of the war. She started a committee in 1868 which established a holiday, ‘Mother’s Friendship Day’.

Ann’s daughter Anna continued her legacy by creating the official holiday, as an intimate day of observance, which is obviously the basis of today’s holiday. She also created the Mother’s Day International Association in order to streamline the intimate day of observance to the second Sunday in May. The first original Mother’s Day was celebrated in 1908.

Woodrow Wilson, the then American president, legitimized the celebration as a nationwide holiday.

The holiday quickly became a commercialised opportunity for producers to sell flowers, candies, and cards. This made Anna Reeves Jarvis feel it had started to move away from the personal and intimate aspects of the holiday and defied this by starting boycotts, walkouts, and even condemned first lady Eleanor Roosevelt for using the day as a means of fundraising.

Reeves Jarvis would eventually use all her money in this fight, and died at the ripe age of 84 in a sanatorium.

Published in Dawn, Young World, May 12th, 2018