Lovely Auntie,
I’m 32 years old and have been recently married. I have an M.Sc CS degree, and am an e-commerce content writer-cum-buyer by profession with three years of experience in Dubai. The irony is that I am still jobless. Besides this, I’m a slow decision maker. I become tense too early. I can’t work under pressure. The reason is the environment at our home since childhood, successive failures in academics and having too big dreams. The only thing in which I have an edge over my fellows is English comprehension. Whatever I start is never completed; for example, reading books of successful people in the world, uploading videos to my YouTube channel in which I translate and do random voiceover videos.

I always had big dreams in life, such as working for Microsoft, Apple, etc. or joining broadcast media as an anchor or a newscaster or starting my own business, but I have never achieved anything. Finally, I have decided to join my brother to do online freelance SEO work.
Please advise!
Loser

Dear Aim-high,
You seem overwhelmed with your dreams and there are several things you need to keep in mind before going after them. For starters you need to stop kicking yourself for your failures. Failure is part and parcel of every successful person’s journey. The ‘failures’ you mention in your letter are not failures; they are challenges which everyone has. Successful people face their challenges and work to overcome them and learn from them. The word ‘failure’ really needs to be removed from your vocabulary. You blame the environment in your home as the reason for why you are not where you want to be. Many people grow up in homes where they are not supported. Sometimes their parents do not understand the importance of education, sometimes family members actively oppose what a person is trying to achieve … many people have had to deal with unsupportive families before they get to where they want. Academic accomplishments are also no markers for success. (Anyone reading this, please do not use this as an excuse to drop out of school. If you are struggling in school, the struggle is also teaching you to strive and work under circumstances which are not always conducive). As for dreams, Auntie would say they are meant to be big and unrealistic, otherwise they wouldn’t be called dreams, right?

‘I have big dreams but cannot take decisions’

If you feel that you become too anxious or overwhelmed, seek out professional help to deal with this.

Auntie feels you are trying to achieve too many things at once. It is time to sit down and figure out exactly what you want to do. Gain clarity by asking yourself questions like “Do I want to become a YouTube star? Or do I want to work for Microsoft? Or do I want to be an anchor?” and answer the questions very honestly. Real honesty would involve asking yourself whether getting into Microsoft is really your dream or is it something that you think will look good on your CV and can be used to impress people. Is your dream coming from your heart? Does it fire you up? These questions need to be asked and your real feelings about potential careers need to be felt so you can pinpoint what it is you really want to do with your life. After you have done the necessary soul-searching, Auntie suggests you focus on that one goal for the time being. Say you decide that you want to be a YouTube star, the next step would be to start focusing on that and thinking about what you can do right now on your existing channel with the resources that you have available. Immediate actions would involve brainstorming for ideas, starting to work on videos, and watching others’ videos to get tips and insights on what makes a successful YouTube channel, etc. This is just an example of what you can do if you choose that one goal. Do the same with the other goals, if you decide to focus on something else.

I hope this process helps you live the life of your dreams.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, February 18th, 2018