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Gullu Butt: An Auto-smashing-biography

Updated June 20, 2014

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Gullu Butt — a smashing success in the auto industry. — Photo by INP
Gullu Butt — a smashing success in the auto industry. — Photo by INP

Gullu Butt is a famous automobile smasher from Pakistan. He was born in Lahore (capital of the Punjab province) to equally famous parents, Maula Jatt and Nuri Nutt.

His father, Maula Jatt, was the sheriff of a small town in the Punjab and gained popularity for arresting, jailing, flogging and dismembering a pesky motorbike that just won't start.

After dismembering the bike, Jatt set it on fire, much to the liking of the simple peace-loving townsfolk. Jatt, however, became unpopular when he tried to do the same to a horse. He was expelled from the town by the Chaudhry of the town (town elder) along with his wife, Nuri Nutt.

 Jatt right after smashing the motorbike (1974)
Jatt right after smashing the motorbike (1974)

Jatt and his wife moved to Lahore in 1975 and earned a meagre living by selling old spare-parts of the cars and bikes that Jatt would smash and dismantle just for the heck of it. Jatt's antics in this regard got him arrested and he was sentenced to 10 years hard labour in a Lahore jail.

Meanwhile, Nuri Nutt gave birth to their first child whom she named Gullu Butt (Rosy Butt- cheeks). Two years later Jatt was paroled and gained an early release from jail, thanks to the government of General Ziaul Haq who had taken over power in July 1977. The Zia regime considered Jatt to be a political prisoner, arrested by the fallen ZA Bhutto regime.

 Jatt soon after he was released from jail (1977)
Jatt soon after he was released from jail (1977)

To celebrate his early release, Jatt smashed a car belonging to a member of Bhutto's party as the people and the police stood there watching the spectacle and marvelling at the might and passion of Jatt.

 Jatt right after smashing a car belonging to a PPP member (1978)
Jatt right after smashing a car belonging to a PPP member (1978)

Jatt and his wife were invited back to their hometown where the Chaudhry (who had quit Bhutto's party and joined the Zia regime) himself offered Jatt a horse to dismember. Instead, Jatt broke the Chaudhry's legs and once again ended up in jail. There he met Bhutto and proceeded to hang him, much to the liking of peace-loving jail folk.

Meanwhile, Nuri Nutt gave birth to their second child. She named him Jeera Blade (Gillette Razor). As Jatt lay rotting in jail, Nutt had to bring up their two sons all on her own. Sometimes when she could not earn enough money to feed and cloth her sons, she used to digress and commit theft by raiding the town's shops with a home-made rifle.

She soon became notorious and the scared townsfolk began to inexplicably call her Hasina Atombum. Nutt wanted both of her sons to get a good education and become dentists.

Jeera was an obedient son and a hard-working student and always came second-last in his class. But Gullu did not take his studies seriously. He would spend most of his time painting a fake moustache with a thick black 2B pencil on his face and smashing watermelons on the Chaudhry's farm.

 Nuri Nutt: The crime-spree years.
Nuri Nutt: The crime-spree years.

After passing his matriculation (in 3rd division), Jeera tried to join the Lahore police but failed the test. He was however given an officer's post in the Lahore police after the Chaudhry pulled some strings. Gullu had threatened to beat up the Chaudhry's favorite horse.

After Jeera joined the police, Nutt stopped being Hasina Atombum. She even asked Gullu to join the police but Gullu refused. Instead, Gullu smashed the car of a small-time crook, an act that impressed a big-time crook who asked Gullu to join his gang.

The big-time crook was a gunrunner who smuggled in guns, drugs, rockets, grenades and Italian caviar from the Afghan border where he had connections with the anti-Soviet Afghan insurgents and some members of Zia's government.

Once while Jeera was fleecing a milkman on a Lahore street and asking him to pay Rs.50 or face jail, he spotted Gullu smashing a brand new car. He rushed to the spot and asked Gullu to stop.

Gullu asked: 'Merey pass jackhammer hai, cars to smash haen, plug-pana hai, tumarey pas kya hai?'

Jeera replied: Merey pas maan hai (I have mother).'

The crowd that had gathered around them applauded and some people even had a tear or two in their eyes.

Jeera and his mother shunned Gullu who had by then smashed and destroyed over 2,000 cars just for the heck of it.

Meanwhile, Jatt had acquired some basic education in jail and re-discovered faith. After he was released in 2001, he first set-up a madrassah in Lahore (which was a huge spiritual, ideological and commercial success), and then joined a TV news channel as an anchor and talk-show host.

Jeera rose to become an ASI in the police (only because his tummy was the biggest the precent) and Nutt went nuts, now claiming she was Madam Noor Jehan. She was recruited by PTI trolls.

Gullu continued to smash cars (still just for the heck of it), but from 2005 onward he tried to give a semblance of meaning to his art by smashing cars and bikes during anti-US/India/Rwanda rallies and during protests against Pakistan's gazillion enemies - especially Godzilla nurtured by famous Zionist scientist, Amrish Puri.

But, alas, this great artiste's luck finally ran out when in June 2014, while he was in the process of smashing his 5,000th car (to set a new Shahbaz Sharif-backed Guinness World Record), some jealous folks claimed that he was one of the instigators of violence against the supporters of Canadian Moose-breeder, Tahir-ul-Kennedy.

 Tahir-ul-Kennedy taking a leisurely walk outside his home in Canada.
Tahir-ul-Kennedy taking a leisurely walk outside his home in Canada.

Gullu was arrested and booked for injuring a Toyota car and then he was himself injured when he was attacked by a group of lawyers who were otherwise famous for showering rose petals on heroic killers.

Gullu's fan-club, 'Gullu Kay Pathey', at once initiated a powerful campaign on Twitter against Gullu's arrest with such hashtags: #JusticeForGullu; #WeAreAllGulluToday; #ButtHe'sInnocent; and #JustinBieberForPresident.

Just for the heck of it.