It comes after several rounds of negotiations (mostly on TV) and many slices of papayas specially grown for the occasion in the mountainous oasis of Yemen.

The major points of the agreement are as follows: 1) Strict playing laws would be imposed in the North Waziristan T20 cricket league. No man (let alone a woman) will be allowed to play in this league. Anyone caught playing will be shot and that’s what the league will be about: Shooting. 2) The government and the extremists will exchange prisoners and gifts. The government will gift its negotiation team to the extremists (to keep), while the extremists will gift the government a goat. 3) The extremists will halt attacks on barber shops, music shops and girls’ schools and instead attack saunas, discos and driving schools. Even though there are no saunas, discos and driving schools in Waziristan, the government will build a few just so the extremists can blow them up. The act will be considered as being according to the Constitution. 4) The extremists will not display weapons in public, especially suicide bombers. They will now have to explode themselves up in padded caves and in the privacy of their own drawing rooms. 5) Extremists cannot operate training camps, other than only for holding ballet classes. 6) The extremists will denounce suicide attacks. However, they can hail heart attacks in the name of faith. 7) A ban would be placed on raising private militias; but holding public floggings will be allowed. 8) The extremists will cooperate with the government to vaccinate locals against hallucinatory headaches. Thus, instead of bullets, the government will now fight terrorism with aspirin. 8) Only licensed FM radio stations would be allowed to operate in the region. However, the extremists will get to pick their own RJs. A ‘Taliban Idol’ will be organised for the purpose and telecasted on all leading TV channels. 9) The extremists will allow goats of their area of influence to perform duties at their work place without any fear. The women of the region, however, will have to wait for this opportunity. They are way down in the extremists’ hierarchy, bellow men, suicidal boys, men, goats, more men and Klingons.

A similar agreement was signed with the extremists in 2007. But they disobeyed the terms of the deal and began to overrun police stations and enforce strict cricket laws through coercion. The extremists had blamed the government’s plan to repaint the Red Mosque yellow. They hate yellow.

Historically, the Afghani Taliban are the group behind the ideological inspiration of the Pakistani Taliban, which is the group behind the ideological inspiration of the Yemeni Taliban, which is the group behind the ideological inspiration of the Chinese Taliban, which is the group behind the ideological inspiration of the Vatican Taliban, which is the group behind the ideological inspiration of the Martian Taliban.

It is fair to recall that the Pakistani extremists had sent over 10,000 fighters into Afghanistan to fight Khan Noonien Singh (of Star Trek fame) and his evil forces in 2001: A Space Odyssey, which was quite a trip, man, like, far out.

The government is also close to signing a deal with the notorious sectarian leader, Darth-ul-Vader, who in 1999 was allegedly behind the brutal suicide attack that knocked off Mian Nawaz Sharif’s brand new toupee.

Cricketer-turned-politician-turned-turnip, Jim Khan, who taught some of the extremists the art of bowling reverse swing, is not happy with the peace accord. But then, he’s seldom happy.

Disagreeing with the accord, Jim Khan hurled accusations at the present government and said he was right not to be part of the negotiations because the results have brought nothing but blood, bombs and ball tampering to the innocent extremists.

He then set out with his party workers to march against the government to instate the jirga system in the Diplomatic Enclave in Islamabad. He wore a tux for the occasion and looked very handsome making his female fans scream and display their support for strict cricket laws.

Hearing this, Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif, while having slices of papaya with his Chinese counterpart said: “I say, capitalist Mongoloid comrade, it will be a ghastly understatement to suggest that this fellow Khan is rather confused,” to which his Chinese counterpart said something that nobody understood but Information Minister, Parvez Rashid, insisted it meant “yea, baby, yea!”

Interestingly, the terms of the peace deal do not call for the extremists to halt cross-border attacks inside Afghanistan, not that there is much left in Afghanistan to attack, except maybe some shaky yellow-coloured ruins. They hate yellow.