Assalam o alaikum Auntie, I have been married for almost three years, but I think I have still not been able to rekindle that spark in my husband so that he may love me deeply and madly. Maybe he does, but I am not sure. I dress up for him, I cook well, I am kind and I ignore the many occasions when he is not able to spend quality time with me, like going out on Sundays. I have asked him several times what would he like to change about me or if he has any complaint, but he ends up praising me. He suffers from diabetes so maybe that is the cause he stays irritated. We don’t have children yet, please help me. Wife

Dear Partner, You say that you are trying to rekindle the spark in your marriage, does that mean that things were good once? You say that you want to change yourself for your husband, but that is almost never a good idea. You will just end up resenting him and being uncomfortable in the new skin you are trying to don.

Sounds like you two have settled into a routine, the kind where you cook and watch your favourite TV serial while he goes to work, runs errands and catches the latest match on TV. You need to break that routine and try to get out and do something new. Have a shared adventure just like you may have had back in the days when things were good. Shake things up a bit and do something the two of you have never done before. It will remind you of why you two are special.

While anniversary vacations where you splurge and leave your life behind are great ways to boost your relationship it is the day-to-day gestures which will really add the lasting buzz you are looking for. Look out for your husband’s gestures of appreciation no matter how small and do small things for him. For example, you can bring him breakfast in bed on a weekend if that is what he likes. Similarly if he does something for you, smile and appreciate it, then watch his face light up.

You say that you ignore it when he does not take out quality time for you on Sundays and while sometimes that is a good thing, you need to address these issues. When we do not deal with disagreements we often let resentments build up and harden our problems. This Sunday thing clearly bothers you, (otherwise why mention it?) and you should talk about it and deal with it. Hope this helps.

Dear Aunty Agni, I am a 26-year-old girl and committed to a guy who is a tailor by profession. I am an MBA and my fiancé is Matric Pass. Due to some family depressions and my mom’s illness, and also considering the fact that our community is very conservative and expects that a girl should be married by the age of 25, I said yes to this proposal.

It’s been two years that I have been in this relationship with this guy, and he really cares for me and is very self-reliant and hardworking and to some extent I also have started liking him.

Things are going fine, but a few of my family elders (aunts) and my sister are hinting that I should rethink my relationship. These people think that I won’t be able to live a happy life with him and will eventually regret getting married to a low-profile person.

Also, they say my education has made my mind broader and that this guy may disagree with me at times when real life starts after marriage and when we start a family.

Presently, I am opposing their ideas and thoughts and every time try to assure them that everything will be fine in the future, but the problem is I am unable to retain my own mental peace now that I have started listening to what they say. I don’t know whether they are right or I am right.

What if in future I fail to prove myself right? What if my future married life ends up in separation? Should I really rethink my relationship? Should I ignore that person’s love and dedication towards me? Should I ignore my own feelings and be practical about taking decisions? Would I be able to settle with someone else in the future if I think of switching to another person as my life partner? Worried

Dear Resolve, There are women in this world who have married below their class and been happy. Your doubts about this match are surfacing and you have to ask yourself whether these apprehensions are your own thoughts or the thoughts of the people around you who are trying to influence you. If you decide to go ahead with the match, go in with open eyes. There are many difference between two families as it is, but when you add class to the mix you have a different ball game altogether.

Class differences can create issues especially when you have children. People from different classes see the importance of education differently. While I don’t want to generalise, and this is just to give you an example, a person from a lower social class may not see the point in sending children to a certain school and may not be able to afford it. Some may not see the point of higher education if they haven’t grown up around people who went to college.

The way your fiancé handles money may be different and his dreams and aspirations may be completely different from yours. For instance, for you the ideal home might be a bungalow in a quiet neighbourhood, while for him, an apartment in a central location may be just the thing. Your social networks maybe different too.

The thing is, if you make the differences a problem, they will become an issue. And if you go in aware about where your future husband is coming from and talk about some of the major issues, regarding children and lifestyle and come to an agreement about them, you can probably make it work. But are you willing to make those compromises and changes to your own lifestyle… that’s what you have to decide.