Our leaders, our very very important persons and even the lowly very important persons can often be 'shocked' or sometimes 'grieved' or even 'shocked and grieved' simultaneously, or they may even be 'stunned' as the vice-chancellor of Peshawar University declared himself to be.

A sense of humour, rather rare in our republic, is a great attribute, and though times be bad we must never despair. Nil desperandum, as Horace said over 21 centuries ago - we can only hope that one day our star will shine.

In his letter to the editor of this paper, printed in the issue of December 10, Vice-Chancellor Professor Syed Zulfiqar Gilani (reverently addressed as Pir Sahib by many of his acolytes at the university) wishes to 'set the record straight'. There is no botanical garden at the university, he proclaims, there never has been, it is but a myth. "So I was stunned by the opening lines of Mr Cowasjee's column...." (November 30, Wild as they come).

Is the learned professor unaware that this garden is part of the university herbarium, which is included in the World Herbarium Index (Index Herbariorum) and is declared to be an international botanical asset by the New York-based International Association of Botanical Gardens of (IABG). Past and present professors, and botanists and plant ecologists of Peshawar, plead that the garden and the trees planted therein so very many years ago not be destroyed.

Should what they know and say not be relevant, rather than be termed 'uncorroborated information'? The vice-chancellor contends that he has been responsible for planting a great number of trees. That may be so, but it is hardly a justification for chopping down other trees planted by long-gone predecessors.

The December 10 issue of this newspaper carried on its front page a quarter-page advertisement inserted by a tobacco company, which claims to have planted 30 million trees in Pakistan. Does such an advertisement justify the fact that the tobacco the company sells has probably damaged an equal number of human lungs? The advertisement did not carry the mandatory warning about cigarette smoking being a danger to health.

Possible good news from Peshawar is that the present vice- chancellor of the university is due to retire on the 15th of this month. His appointed successor is Lt-General Mumtaz Gul and we must hope that he is capable of realizing that trees can weep.The December 11 issue of Dawn carried a letter in response to my column of November 23 (We need to laugh) from a gentleman by the name of A H Aliani who declares himself to have been a former ambassador who in the 1980s was posted in Thailand. He has offered an explanation on the subject of President General Ziaul Haq's predilection (faithfully followed by his successors) of donning academic gowns and mortar-boards, shots of which admittedly do serve the purpose of providing amusement to the masses who spot them on television or in the press. Mr Aliani disagreed with my story about the refusal by Thammasat University to grant Zia an honorary degree, and 18 years later now offers his own bureaucratic face-saving explanation for the mix-up.

Who is he, I asked my friend and senior journalist Omar Kureishi: do you know him? Aliani in the mid-eighties was a junior employee when Omar sat on one of the upper floor of the PIA head office. When Omar heard that he had been appointed an ambassador to Thailand he was, he admitted 'shocked'. Apparently, the gentleman's 'tribal' connections had done the trick. But he is a good chap, added Omar in his defence.

Incongruous or not, presidents, prime ministers, and others, whether they be army generals or not, certainly fancy themselves when clad in academic dress.

An invitation card from Pakistan National Shipping Corporation beckoned me to be aboard a PNSC tanker by 1115 hours on the 12th as the president general was 'inducting' her into service. Instructions on the card : "Please do not carry any weapons, mobile phones, cameras, digital diaries, electronic equipment, brief cases/hand bags, match boxes, cigarette lighters, etc."

My instructions from my daily programmer : "You are wearing an electronic pacemaker. Do not do damage by walking through a detection device and then have to be 'rushed' to an emergency centre. Carry your pacemaker identity card and your spanking new Nadra card. No one has thought of suicide bombers, so keep your eyes open. Get there early before the roads are blocked by a selection of cavalcades."

Arriving on time, I told the naval intelligence-cum-security officer at the dockyard gate that an electronic device has been implanted in my body. He pointed to a table, and requested that I deposit it thereon. Is there a surgeon handy, I asked, and an anaesthetist? Fortunately, an officer of the merchant navy came to my rescue.

Heads of state normally launch battleships, rather than 'inducting' 18-year-old ready for the scrap-yard old tubs. Why do those who should know better embarrass our president, and why does he allow himself to be embarrassed?

PNSC has just bought two 18-year-old tankers and one aged 23 years. The corporation charters old tubs such as the Tasman Spirit to carry oil, with disastrous results that linger on. It induces the government to force Pakistan's refineries into signing ten-year (repeat ten year) contracts of affreightment to transport their crude to Karachi. And then the president hopes that the private sector will invest in shipping!

When talking on the subject of Gwadar at the 'induction', the general told us : "Pakistani businessmen were blessed with the needed entrepreneurial foresight to venture into such a highly prospective but so far untapped area."

Enterprise we have indeed. My family, and some friends, invested in leasing land in Gwadar, and paid all the necessary dues. Now, by a notification and without assigning any valid reason, the government of Pakistan has cancelled all allotments. God knows for how many years we will have to stroll along the corridors of our courts?

However, first things first. A front-page news item in the press on December 13, dateline Multan, reads : 'An eye for an eye. Bahawalpur Anti-Terrorism Court's judge, Justice Syed Afzaal Sharif Kazmi, on Friday sentenced a suspect to be blinded by acid for doing the same to a woman.' A matching punishment has been meted out to Sajjad Ahmed under the Islamic law of Qisas. 'The court ordered that Mr Ahmed would be administered acid in his eyes in the presence of a medical officer at the Bahawalpur Sports Stadium.'

Will president General Pervez Musharraf, using the much worn supreme national interest, immediately blow the whistle and order that this game not be played in the sports stadium or at any other venue.

E-mail: arfc@cyber.net.pk