Salam Auntie

I am a 15-year-old girl who is facing severe existential dilemma. I study in one of the most prestigious and well established institutions of Lahore. Lately, I have been feeling very discontented. It is literally as if I have no reason to continue living as my life is so monotonous and plain. I have lost my sense of purpose and have no direction in my life, because all I do is study. There are so many things I want to do but it is as if something is stopping me. I want some colour in my life before my eyes get blinded with the monotony. Please help!

A lost mind

Dear Shake-things-up,

Okay, so stop studying for a moment and spend some time thinking about your dreams. You are 15 years old and you seriously need to have dreams. Look around you … what do you want to do? Do you want to write a novel or start a school for poor children? Whatever it is, think long and hard about it and start planning how you will do it. Then do something that you can, to move towards the dream today. It can be as simple as looking up information on your topic of interest on Google, or it can even be a bigger, more solid step towards your goal.

Also try doing things differently from today. If you always end up going to the same restaurant with your family or friends, suggest to them that you try going somewhere new. As an alternative you could try cooking something new. Just do something that you wouldn’t normally do. Read a book that you wouldn’t normally read, take a route that you wouldn’t normally take or call a few friends or family over to watch your favourite movies. Alternatively, try taking on a new challenge such as getting super fit or learning a new language. These are just suggestions that can help you get out of your comfort zone.

You will feel uneasy doing something new, but it can help shake things up and break the monotony.

Dear Auntie,

I am a 22-year-old girl. I have been in an awkward situation these days. The problem is related to a guy I used to like in my teens and was attracted to him. We were in a kind of a relationship but it was not that intense. He was a complete flirt back then. Soon he was married and now lives abroad with his wife and son. He contacted me a few months ago and I talked to him as a friend until he started to ruin things. He lied that ‘my wife has ditched me and left me for someone else’. I was shocked to hear this and tried to console him as no one can lie about such a thing.

Two days later I received a message from his wife saying that ‘I am with my husband and haven’t left him’. I got angry with him and scolded him later. He tried to convince me and calmed my anger and I kept talking to him. He continued lying about his wife and says that he is not happy with her. I ended up believing him because I don’t care about his lies or whatever he says, but now I am tired of all this. I realised that they are happy enough together, then why does he do all this? Fooling me around, spoiling his wife’s image. Doesn’t he love her? When will he start acting maturely? Please tell me what should I do? Should I ask him to stop doing this or should I tell his wife about these lame pranks he plays. Or should I end my contact with him?

Lost

Dear Other Woman,

Absolutely end all contact with him right now! He is a married man and, honestly, he should not have contacted you in the first place without the knowledge of his wife. A woman’s friendship with a man who is not happy in his marriage can leave everyone involved very vulnerable.

You know that he is ready to cheat with you. A weak moment could turn everyone’s world upside down. It is just not worth risking your integrity for this.

Leave this guy alone. Stop answering his phone calls and replying to his messages, and go get yourself another life, with other friends. Just remove yourself from this sticky situation. If you stay in it, even if you don’t get involved and stay just to listen to his stories, you will be destroying his marriage and losing all respect for yourself in the process. If he has a problem in his marriage, how is talking to you helping it? He should instead be talking to his wife and sorting it out. Or both of them should be seeing a marriage counsellor.

Remember, if he can cheat on his wife, he can cheat on anyone. It is not your job to wonder about why he lies or whether he loves his wife or when he will mature. The point is if he is a liar, doesn’t love his wife and is immature, do you really want to know someone like that?

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, Sunday Magazine, February 14th, 2016