Goat talk

Published
74

This Bakra Eid, many Pakistanis received the following SMS: “Aafia Movement ki tarraf sey aap sab koh Bakra Eid Mubarak. Dr. Aafia ki eid aik bar phir qaid-e-tanhai mein guzrey gi. Shame.” (Eid Mubarak to all of you from the Aafia Movement. This year again, Aafia will spend her Eid in solitary confinement.”)

Curious as to who or what this ‘Aafia Movement’ was, I decided to reply to the third such SMS. I wrote: “Bakra Movement ki taraf say aik eelan (an announcement from the Bakra Movement): what about us bakras who get slaughtered every Bakra Eid?”

“Who this is?” came the reply.

“This is the leader bakra of the Bakra Movement,” I wrote back.

“Why you joke about Dr. Aafia?”

“I no joke about Aafia. I only serious about my bakra brothers. Why you slaughter them?”

“It is every Muslim’s duty to slaughter bakras on Bakra Eid. Are you Muslim?”

“Alhamdulillah! I am a Muslim bakra.”

“Why you joke like this? Aafia is in pain!”

“So are thousands of other Aafia’s and Arifs, Saleema’s and Saleem’s of Bakistan, why is there no movement for them?”

“Why you saying Bakistan instead of Pakistan?”

“Why you saying, bakra instead of pakra?”

“You are idiot.”

“No, I am leader of the Bakra Movement; if I am idiot, then the leader of the Aafia Movement is also an idiot.”

“You are not true Muslim. It is because people like you Aafia in jail of America.”

“And it because of people like you thousands of local Aafias are rotting in Bakistani jails for blasphemy and hudood crimes. Bakra Movement is for them because they are all helpless bakris (she goats).”

“What your name?? I will see you and teach u lesson.”

“Oh, goodie. Can you give me swimming lessons?”

“How you joke about Aafia? How dare. You baighayrat (shameful) Pakistani!”

“Wow! How did you know my name?”

“Your name is Baighayrat?”

“Full name: Baighayrat Bakistani, leader of the Bakra Movement working for the welfare of all innocent goats and cows in Bakistani jails!”

“They are criminals!”

“What about those who raped and tortured them, or framed them under blasphemy law?”

“You are not a Muslim nor are you human.”

“I am Muslim bakra. Humans are cruel. Baaaaa!”

“You are mad. Stop making fun of Aafia.”

“Stop making fun of thousands of innocent bakris in Bakistani jails.”

“Why you keep saying Bakistan? It is Pakistan.”

“I am an Arab Muslim bakra.”

“If you Arab, then you defend Aafia.”

“Arabs don’t even know who she is.”

“Stop making fun of Arabs.”

“Stop making fun of Bakistanis.”

“I not make fun.”

“It shows. Please, make fun. Life would be better and less stressful.”

“You are little man with little thinking.”

“I am not man. I am big bakra.

“You hateful man, I will teach lesson to you. I will see you!”

“Yes, I will see you too, in hell. Baaaa.”

I just can’t write what Mr. ‘Aafia Movement’ had to say to me after this. Things and words which were not very Islamic, doing Aafia proud?

Only God knows.

Nadeem F. Paracha is a cultural critic and senior columnist for Dawn Newspaper and Dawn.com.

The views expressed by this blogger and in the following reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of the Dawn Media Group.

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