It seems that the serious inconvenience caused by the protector of the people and ace terror fighter, interior minister Mr. Rehman Malik, who has made it a habit to suspend cell phone services at the drop of a hat, may come to an end soon by way of a new mobile courier company called “Bhangra” that was launched today in Karachi.

Bhangra Mobile – dance to a different tune! –Picture courtesy Wikicommons

The launch was held at the Quetta Darbar Dervish Hotel in Gizri Bazar of Defence Phase 4.  The parent company of Bhangra is a fully Pakistan based conglomerate the Dhaba Group of Companies.

Announcing the launch, Mr. M.A. Doodh Patti Wala, CEO, CFO and Chairman of the board, emphasised that the new product will be the first fully indigenous mobile courier system. “The system will be using technology that we have had in the sub-continent for hundreds of years: Pigeons!”

Taking a shot at a competitor that uses a foreign music form as their trademark, he declared, “Our system truly apna hey, jassey Bhangra apna hey!” Mr. Doodh Patti Wala thanked the terrorists and Mr. Rehman Malik for providing the inspiration for Bhangra. “You see, the current mobile systems are closed down on all important occasions causing immense problems to the public. This is the where Bhangra comes in.  Messages will be relayed via trained pigeons (kabooters).  Customer will be able to send a message by walking into any dhaba displaying the following sign. A team of courier pigeons will be available at all participating dhabas.”

-Photo by Vaqar Ahmed

The CEO also explained that very attractive special packages will be offered. For example the “Romance Package” will allow 10 messages to the same recipient for the price of five messages. The package will include a pre-written romantic message that the customer can pick out from a catalogue. For a small additional charge, the pigeon will drop flower petals on the recipient.

Mr. Doodh Patti Wala said that his projections indicate that given the deteriorating security situation in the country the current mobile systems will soon be shut at least 25 per cent of the time. Encouraging investors to buy the stocks in the new company, Mr. D.P. Walla said, “Our company is in a win-win situation: more violence, more sales!” Answering a question on the environmental problem due to pigeon dropping, Mr. Wala stated that special re-usable nappies are being designed in collaboration with the world-renowned nappy makers, Pooper and Gamble to contain the droppings.

The General Manager marketing Mr. S. A. Kabooter announced that Bhangra will be the official sponsor of the National Kabbadi Championship and the sponsored drink will be lassi. Replying to a query on the recruitment and training of the pigeons, Mr. Kabooter replied that the couriers have already been hired from the sufi saint mazars where thousands of pigeon come everyday to eat the grain showered by the devotees. For training, the pigeons are being taught to read Google maps. The beak of the pigeon is placed first on the message pickup point on the Google map and then at the delivery point. This will allow the pigeon to look at the route to get to the destination.

Kabooter recruitment center, Misri Shah Shrine, Karachi –Photo by Vaqar Ahmed

A defense establishment expert also spoke on the occasion, and highlighted the usefulness of the technology for national security. “Essentially, this is stealth technology. The pigeon carrying a secret message will be impossible to track since there are thousands of pigeons flying around in the air space.  And if, by chance, a courier is shot down it is no great loss since pigeons breed, well, like pigeons!”

Kabooters leaving on a training mission. –Photo by Vaqar Ahmed

The launch came to an end with a spirited Bhangra performance by a team of pigeons over a cup of hot doodh patti and sweet jalebi. The only low point to an otherwise successful launch was that the pigeon droppings of the performing artists could not be contained by the locally manufactured nappies and caused some unpleasantness.  Mr. D.P. Walla himself had a large white blob on his head that he cheerfully wiped off with his jacket sleeve, remarking, “All for a good cause!”

Stocks for Bhangra (KSE stock code “Bhang”) closed at Rs. 100 after being launched at Rs. 10.

 


The author is an engineer turned part-time journalist who likes to hang out at unfashionable places like shrines, railway stations and bus stops.

 


The views expressed by this blogger and in the following reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of the Dawn Media Group.


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The author is an engineer turned part-time journalist who likes to hang out at unfashionable places like shrines, railway stations and bus stops.


The views expressed by this blogger and in the following reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of the Dawn Media Group.

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Comments (17) (Closed)


Agha Ata USA (A feminist)
Nov 15, 2012 02:07pm
I can see bad days for pigeons is not very far. Poor kabooters. :(
zubair
Nov 15, 2012 03:10pm
Wasted my time.
Sandip
Nov 15, 2012 03:03pm
How do I get majority stake in this company?
G.A.
Nov 15, 2012 09:57pm
Please Note that this pigeon service will be down (literally) when Arab princes are in town during the hunting season. Thank you for your cooperation. The Bhangra Group Ltd.
Sue Sturgess
Nov 15, 2012 01:24pm
people will ALWAYS find a way to be heard
Muhammad Yasir Hassan
Nov 15, 2012 01:30pm
Nice service........
Kiran
Nov 15, 2012 03:26pm
I think Mr. Ahmed has, with one swoop of his pen, solved the communication problems of the country. Well done Vaqar! The country needs people who think on their feet and make optimum use of local technology and materials. As usual a hilarious and poignant piece.
Bulbul Shah
Nov 15, 2012 05:04pm
What a sad attempt at humour...
aa
Nov 15, 2012 11:40pm
combine this with the "water car" invented by eminent Pakistani scientist Agha Waqar Ahmad, and Pakistan is well on its way to be the most developed country in the world.
anam
Nov 16, 2012 01:25pm
hilarious.:)
Zafar Shah
Nov 16, 2012 12:17am
Very good sense of Humour Mr Vaqar:) I can feel the punches in your story.
Cyrus Howell
Nov 16, 2012 12:36am
For a small additional charge, the pigeon will drop flower petals on the recipient. . Those flower petals wouldn't be white, would they? I've been a reciepient a few times myself.
Mahwish
Nov 16, 2012 05:49am
:)
Faraz
Nov 16, 2012 06:02am
not funny...simple sad. You have written some great atricles dont make us hate those too!
Roma
Nov 17, 2012 11:43am
good idea :-)
vijay, chennai, India
Nov 16, 2012 07:38am
Mr. "Waqar's" water car and Mr. "Vaqar's" courier surely be a hit.
vijay, chennai, India
Nov 16, 2012 07:40am
the best caller tune would be kabooter ja ja ja