Dawn News

How to spot a liberal fascist

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Liberal fascist is an oxymoron. Liberals according to definition are those, ‘who believe in maximum individual freedom possible and the ideas of liberty and equality.’ And the term fascist according to definition, ‘is a person who is dictatorial or has extreme right-wing views, and wants to impose militaristic nationalism’. The Socrates of journalism coined this term that means a person who believes in dictatorship of equality and liberty. Only our columnists can tell the exact meaning of this term they have invented.  Here is a simple easy test to spot a liberal fascist among ourselves.

1. If you are wearing your Bermudas higher than your ankles you are liberal fascist, but if you are wearing your shalwar higher than your ankles, then you are a pious, patriotic citizen.

-Illustration by Sabir Nazar

2. If you support al Qaeda and the Taliban’s methods to impose sharia, you are a conformist, but if you are an advocate of human rights, you are a liberal fascist.

-Illustration by Sabir Nazar

3. You are a liberal fascist if you don’t see the hands of Blackwater, Raw and CIA in the bombing of girls/boys school in Khyber Pakhtunkhwa.

4. You are liberal fascist if you quote the August 11th speech of Quaid-e-Azam on Facebook and Twitter.

-Illustration by Sabir Nazar

5. You are a proud member of civil society if you supported the restoration of judiciary with Qadhi Hussain, Amina Janjua, the Lal mosque brigade, Tsunami Khan, Raiwind Sharrif and Hamid bin Flower, but if you are against one-sided judicial activism, you are a liberal fascist.

6. If you don’t believe that only politicians are corrupt, and want accountability of judges, army, mullahs and the bureaucracy, you a liberal fascist.

7. If you are a follower of the revolution of Toru (garmi mein kharab ho rehain hain) you are a true liberal like Mick Jagger, Jemima Goldsmith, Lady Diana and Shane Warne, but if you are against revolution, you are a supporter of the status quo parties and a liberal fascist.

8. You are a liberal fascist, if you don’t believe in what Zaid Hamid says on TV.

9. If you believe that drone attacks are killing innocent civilians, you are a defender of the sovereignty of state, but if you believe that drones are killing foreign terrorists, you a liberal fascist and brainwashed by Western propaganda.

10. If you believe that once America leaves Afghanistan, everything will be hunky dory in this part of the world, you are a realist, but if you believe that intra-faction fighting and more violence and destruction will follow, you are a liberal fascist.

-Illustration by Sabir Nazar

11. If you believe that 9/11 was the work of Muslims, and that Jews were not absent in twin towers, you are again a liberal fascist.

12. You are a supporter of home-grown talent, if you support the inventors of the water car technology, but if you are supporter of thermodynamics, you are liberal fascist.

13. If you are protesting the martyrdom of 22 Pakistani soldiers in Salala, you are a patriotic, but if you protest against the beheading of 18 Pakistani soldiers by the Taliban, you are liberal fascist.

14. If you pronounce Ramazan as Ramadan, you are a good Muslim but if you insist on Khuda Hafiz, you are liberal fascist.

-Illustration by Sabir Nazar

15. If you believe that all blasphemy suspects shall have a fair trial, you are a liberal fascist, who is suffering from an inferiority complex.

16. If you don’t support Chaudhry Arsalan, you are a paid lackey of Malik Riaz and a liberal fascist.

17. If you believe that the Akhwan-ul-Muslimeen electoral victory in Egypt gave them the right to legislate according to their ideology, you a demagogue, but if you believe that PPP also has the right to legislate according to their party policy, you are a liberal fascist.

18. If you believe that Qadeer Khan is the father of the atomic bomb, you are a lover of scientists’ contribution to Pakistan’s defence, if you believe that he is a metallurgist who borrowed technology from Denmark and China, you are a liberal fascist, and a Western puppet.

19. If you believe Pakistan’s history starts from Muhammad bin Qasim’s invasion of Sindh you are a true text book Pakistani, but if you believe Taxila and Mohenjodaro are also part of our history, you are a liberal fascist.

20. If you believe that we are one nation, you are a patriot, but if you believe that we are federation of four different nationalities in Pakistan, you are a liberal fascist.

 


The author left architecture for painting but ended up as a cartoonist and now writes Hijjo. He is the jack of all trades.

 


The views expressed by this blogger and in the following reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of the Dawn Media Group.


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Comments (68) Closed



Bakhtawer Bilal
Sep 19, 2012 02:09pm
Simply superb.
yaldram
Sep 19, 2012 12:38pm
i can only agree with number 17 to 20. rest are ofcourse disagreeable...
md
Sep 19, 2012 11:39am
You are a liberal-fascist! keep moving!
Anwar Hayat
Sep 21, 2012 12:08pm
Garbage article...
Amin Butt
Sep 21, 2012 10:27am
i am an innocent muslim.
farmerdr
Sep 21, 2012 08:10am
Simply and clearly put. Good article. Another Liberal Fascist
Umair
Sep 19, 2012 09:54am
Excellent but the title should have been 'Hypocrisy'.....
rehan
Sep 19, 2012 10:02am
Is there anything wrong in believing we are one nation even if we have people of several nationalities living in the same country ? And I have yet to come across a single person that made a big deal out of "Ramazan" or "Ramandan" ... The author sure is jack or all trades...and master of none !!!!
Pakistani
Sep 21, 2012 01:19pm
i tried really hard but couldn't laugh.
Ghazala
Sep 20, 2012 11:19am
A biased analysis! only representing a group of people, not depicting the true situation.
Liberal Scum
Sep 19, 2012 12:51pm
Thank you for your wonderful post... but I believe you forgot to add one last point though:- 21. If you are vocal against Tsunami Khan in any shape or form, then your status gets upgraded from Liberal Fascist to Liberal Scum...
Ahmed
Sep 19, 2012 09:46am
There are a lot of people who call themselves liberals but still insist on things like bombing civilians to get their objectives. These are the ones who are liberal fascist. Not because they are LIBERAL and FASCIST.. but because they call themselves LIBERALS but actually are FASCISTS. Its also funny that you make fun of people who try to pronounce Ramadhan correctly but make fun of those who speak English with a heavy local accent. Why this contradiction? Why not make fun of people who speak English with a crooked mouth if you make fun of people who do that with Arabic words?
Abbas
Sep 20, 2012 09:10pm
I passed the test I am a Pakistani and a civil person .
Adeel
Sep 19, 2012 10:06am
I must admit that I am liberal fascist according to the criteria of the society. Good article Sabir!!
rafe
Sep 20, 2012 11:40am
Hilarious !! classic piece ... but em confused !! em liberal fascist as well as patriotic pakistani .. where do i actually stand !!
AbuHaaris
Sep 20, 2012 10:48am
The writer seems to be totally lost. He seems to have lost his identity and a very basic ability of grasping what is going on around him but i guess that is the most common symptom of Liberal fascism. Actually the reason for these hallucinations is that fortunately or unfortunately he is born in a Muslim family but he knows that he is only Muslim by the name because his deeds are all by far what Islam is all about. The confusion is too much for him to bear that is why he is out and about and creating more confusion for the same very people like himself who are facing the same dilema because what they have been taught some thing else and brought up in an environment where Religion seems alien to them. Pity souls.
John Jani Janardan
Sep 20, 2012 10:39am
Very nice. Back in the days, I used to enjoy reading Indian newspapers for their journalism, analysis, and satire. Then through Internet I was introduced to Dawn and have always enjoyed reading it. Recently, I have started switching off Indian newspapers because they seems to be driven only by sensationalizing stuff. Still enjoy Dawn though as usual, thanks to writers such as you. Yes I am a liberal fascist from India. :-)
Mukkaram Qureshi
Sep 20, 2012 10:28am
The country has been plagued by two extremists, liberals & religious fascist both did not act as normal human being result we are in a mess. In the 70s & 80s those who opposed US was considered as liberals and religious parties were considered as pro US now the situation has reveresed.
Khan
Sep 20, 2012 04:54pm
This term (Liberal fascist) is indeed oxymoronic, but so are the thoughts of many people that this term is used for. For example, a true liberal would not try to enforce their opinions onto other but let everybody enjoy the freedom to form their own opinions. A true liberal, will not think that violence can only be tackled by counter violence, but would also try to be more thoughtful and engage in dialouge to resolve issue via peaceful means.
Anjum Ashraf
Sep 20, 2012 08:48am
Guilty as charged :)
Zimbo_Indian
Sep 20, 2012 12:22pm
There are liberal fascists in India also. I am one of them.
Introspection
Sep 20, 2012 07:58am
The Bush administration (Of 9/11) had found a new word to characterize Islamic fundamentalists (Practicing Muslims as opposed to Professing Muslims), in his 'so-called war on terror': '(ISLAMIC) FASCISTS'. So what the liberal writer is implying is that actually there exists in Pakistan a very contemporarily-charming-minority-breed that would like to be identified as 'LIBERAL ISLAMIC FUNDAMENTALISTS'.
Ahsan
Sep 19, 2012 09:48am
Very well written... If you speak like a MULLAH and act like a Jackson, you will be true Pakistani and If your actions speaks what your words says then you Liberal Fascist.
zia bugvi
Sep 20, 2012 07:17am
this writer is a true LIBERAL FASCIAST.......ok kind of article---but i feel this style doesn't come naturally to him, he seems to put lot of effort to give his article NFP touch....work hard n read more u perk!
sarmad
Sep 20, 2012 04:31pm
Imran Khan declared himself a liberal in a recent Indian TV interview. It makes this discussion obscure.
Man
Sep 20, 2012 06:16am
Very well written article. It exposes the people who use this oxymoron to define the people who want peace.
shuaib
Sep 20, 2012 05:22am
I hope writing is not your day job.
Fahad
Sep 20, 2012 05:08am
I have not seen such an intellectually shallow piece of write up, and that too on dawn news. Its more of an emotional reaction than a logical argument.
Leftist
Sep 20, 2012 05:05am
Brilliant Sabir Sahib, do keep it up we need more liberal fascists in this country !
Sohaib YAHIA
Sep 20, 2012 04:49am
Beautiful! Couldn
Ali
Sep 19, 2012 09:55am
Haha brilliant!!.
Zeta
Sep 20, 2012 01:59am
Absolutely Brilliant. I'm proud to be Semi-Liberal centrist
saman
Sep 20, 2012 03:20pm
insanity
zia
Sep 20, 2012 12:18am
You forgot to mention that if you post Quaid's speech on the occasion of opening ceremony of the State Bank of Pakistan on facebook and twitter, then you are not a Liberal Fascist!!.. ^_^
Faisal Ahmed
Sep 19, 2012 11:44pm
Simply Zabardast. Proud to be a Liberal Fascist
aij9
Sep 19, 2012 10:05pm
Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself.
gill
Sep 20, 2012 03:07pm
Well, I think it is quite an elaborate picture. Good Sabir.
Raza
Sep 19, 2012 08:46pm
Good Job Buddy!
Ummer Khan
Sep 19, 2012 08:16pm
Agreed.
sohail gillani
Sep 19, 2012 07:08pm
sohail excellent
taimur
Sep 19, 2012 07:05pm
najam sethi 2 in making..
Razzaq
Sep 19, 2012 06:28pm
Another good one,love it.May I disagree with your comment that"Pakistan is a federation of four different nationalities". Actually it is a federation of more than four different nationalities NOW.
Reza Kazmi
Sep 19, 2012 06:23pm
Very much controlled criticism but highlighting the real facts which we do not really want to hear.And unless we find our self wrong somewhere we would never be able to correct ourrselves
raika45
Sep 20, 2012 01:53pm
Anyone who agrees with this article is a liberal fascist.All those who want to charge the writer with blasphemy is a patriot.[ written with tongue firmly in cheek]
Faisal
Sep 20, 2012 02:05pm
All true, none the less.
hunzai
Sep 19, 2012 05:34pm
Outstanding, brilliant
Shahrukh
Sep 19, 2012 05:10pm
Most recent: If you attend anti-Islam film protests and shut down your businesses, you are a true Muslim and lover of the Prophet but if you don't, you are in complicity with the blasphemers and a liberal fascist.
Sunny
Sep 19, 2012 05:05pm
Sabir, what a defiant article. The root cause and the people involved for internally weakening and destroying our homeland for monetary gains is articulated well. kudos to Dawn too. keep on writing!
observer
Sep 19, 2012 04:55pm
It was like you were holding a mirror to me. How did you find me out?
Salman Dasti
Sep 19, 2012 04:02pm
Hence proved that "I'm Liberal Fascist"
Oli Mukherjee (@piercefanatic)
Sep 20, 2012 06:17pm
Right there...all liberal fascists are patriots and great company.
Kuldeep
Sep 19, 2012 02:22pm
Oh I love this paper...... even being an India. Dawn really shows there are really good people on both sides of LOC who just don't get bogged down on being part of Hindu or Muslim community. Thank You Dawn.
Saeed Almana
Sep 19, 2012 02:19pm
I am a proud liberal fascist if this is who they are. Thank you Sabir Nazir.
ghaleezguftar
Sep 19, 2012 01:40pm
the author should restrain himself to drawing cartoons and accepting praise from friends in his drawing room! everybody is entitled to have an opinion no matter how absurd it is to you! seems like you cannot just become liberal, always worried about who is thinking what and why and how is that compared to your transcended mind! thooooo!
AK
Sep 19, 2012 01:35pm
So what am I if I believe that drones kill BOTH foreign terrorists and innocent people?...Or if i condemn BOTH the salala attack and taliban's attacks?... Or if i believe that BOTH Pakistan and USA have messed up Afghanistan? Or if i believe that BOTH PPP govt and Arsalan Chaudhry are corrupt? Does that make me a liberal-fascist-mullah? Or simply a person who is tired of one-sided biased opinions from all sides?
Enum
Sep 19, 2012 01:22pm
Very accurate representation of the hypocrisy in our society.
Naeem Minhas
Sep 19, 2012 01:20pm
He forgot one condition. To promote the agenda of those who fund them
guest62
Sep 19, 2012 01:08pm
On the count of number 19 alone ( cos Taxila is my birth place and part of my Punjabi pothowari history ) I am a liberal Fascist , Once a Tag is attached , its part of my Pujnabi history too that it carries on for generations ( we punjabis are proud to quote our great great grand fathers ! ) so I say I am what I am , does my stand make me the same due to the very next number 20 to confirm my mental status ?
Tariq Asam
Sep 19, 2012 12:36pm
I liked some and found the other either contradictory or confusing. A do applaud the creativity
Haider
Sep 19, 2012 12:57pm
Simply brilliant!
roquefort
Sep 20, 2012 11:52pm
I am a liberal fascist.
Ather Sultan
Sep 19, 2012 12:08pm
You are truly impressed with NFP. Dude you need to improve a lot for that criticism ability. You sounds lame
NASAH (USA)
Sep 19, 2012 12:08pm
As a fellow liberal fascist myself I tip my hat for Nazir Sabir for a 'pure' liberal fascist column.
amit
Sep 21, 2012 12:26am
AK you still din't understand what author wanted to deliver. you know why?? because you are not liberal fascist. Read again this carefully and honestly ..hope u could keep yr thinking broader and factual.
Timour
Sep 19, 2012 10:39am
Excellent, love it. !
Umer
Sep 19, 2012 10:29am
Your defination of liberal is wrong, actually the one commonly confused. Dictionary defination is "Open to new behavior or opinions and willing to discard traditional values."
J.Sequeira
Sep 20, 2012 04:03pm
Well said Sir. More power to you and Liberal Fascists!
Najam
Sep 21, 2012 04:16am
Nice job