Dear Ma,

One of the aims in my life, because I am very patriotic, is to do something for my nation. However I don’t know what that could be, so please guide me!

And another problem is that when I make friends I trust them more than anybody else. I just rely on them and our friendship starts with great zeal and zest and later becomes weaker and weaker day by day. Why does this happen to me always? Please suggest a solution.

Patriot

Dear Begin-at-home,

It’s great that you want to do something for your country and this is for everyone out there who wants to do the same. It’s cool to dream of putting up your country’s flag on Mars one day or leading a rally; however, Auntie suggests that before you start working on a blueprint for the space programme, you should look around you and start the process of being patriotic and effective by doing what you can NOW!

So what can you do right now? Let’s start with cleaning up the environment and throwing our trash in the garbage can. And how about stopping others from dirtying our surroundings? You could also plant a tree, cut down on your waste, recycle and generally become more environmentally-friendly. (Beats waving the white and green while singing a sponsored Milli Naghma, before chucking your can of soda out the car window).

You could decide today that you won’t encourage corruption by refusing to participate in it.

You could start following traffic rules and stopping at red lights. You could donate blood. You could pay for or raise money for a child’s education … Auntie could go on and on. You merely need to turn over a rock to find a problem waiting to be solved. Now these may seem like small things, but they will go some way in bettering the environment and they will also satisfy your urge to contribute. And if you so stick to them and urge others to join you, what started with you can grow into a successful campaign.

As for your issue with friendship, try holding your horses and not becoming instant best friends with anyone, no matter how much you like them. Even if a friendship is growing quickly, both people need time to get to know each other, develop trust and a bond. I hope you also realise that your friend is a different person and while you may feel an instant affinity with them, they may need time to feel the same way about you, even if they do seem as enthusiastic as you on the surface.

Also just because you are friends with someone, know that you cannot just dump things on them and barge into their space with your troubles all the time. A lot of people are caught up in their own issues and it would serve all of us well, if more people realised this. A friend who listens to you is a gift and a privilege… do not take him or her for granted or abuse the privilege.

Also try from now on, not to just stick to the one best friend you have. Cultivate a variety of people, expand your social circle and avoid relying on just one person for your need to connect.

Salam Auntie

I am a 21-year-old girl and I got married a couple of months ago. Our marriage was arranged by our family as we are also second cousins though we had never met. He is sweet, handsome and caring but he remains aloof from me. He hasn’t been cruel to me, but he hasn’t approached me in any way. He talks to me very formally and is hardly ever romantic. My in-laws are great with me, but it seems I can’t say the same about him. Please help.

Yours truly,

Frustrated

Dear Unruffled,

You need to really talk to your husband about this. Sometimes men have a difficult time expressing themselves, so you will need to be very understanding when you ask him what is wrong. You could try telling him all the ways you think he is a good husband to jumpstart the conversation which could be difficult for him. Once he talks, listen without interrupting him and avoid the urge to go off on your own tangent if he says something that you don’t like.

If he doesn’t want to sit and talk, you could plan an evening together where the two of you could hang out in a relaxed environment and hopefully break the ice.

Whatever you decide to do, don’t ignore this.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to:

auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, Sunday Magazine, August 30th, 2015

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