Dear Auntie,

I am a 27-year-old young man and I belong to a poor family living in a small town in Sindh. I am the only person in my family who has done Masters from a reputable university. I even appeared for the highest examination of Pakistan, the CSS. Though I could not qualify for the CSS twice, I am awaiting the result for 2014, as it was my last chance. Despite coming from a poor family and academic background, I worked hard to excel in education, but I find that my community, which is quite backward, holds a lot of grudges and spite for me. They always criticise me for being jobless and a failure whenever someone appreciates me and my efforts. My family constantly feels pressure and feel embarrassed about me.

I could not even qualify for a minor post in SPSC. Since I am unemployed I almost never visit my village to see my aged mother, who always asks me when I am going to turn her dreams into reality. Such words always fill me with grief and sorrow. My mother wants me to marry, but because of my unemployment I cannot even marry into a decent family.
Unemployed

Dear Employable,

For now, let’s put marriage aside. You are already troubled and the last thing you need is to pull someone else into your situation.

There are many unemployed graduates, in a situation similar to yours: dying for work, which is just not available. Fresh out of university, they are excited about being in the real world only to face rejection and feel that nobody wants them. Their outlook turns upside down. As one of the few educated people in your community, you are feeling the pressure even more than perhaps other graduates from educated backgrounds and it’s very easy to fall into the rut of thinking that you are useless and just give up. However, keeping your morale high at this point in life is incredibly important for your mental health, especially where you feel that you are being judged harshly by your community. Since you are not living in your village it is easy to avoid their negativity. But please understand that as an educated person, you have given your community a glimpse of what can be achieved when you try hard enough. It is threatening the prevalent mindset in your community and so it is no surprise that they are looking for ways to belittle your achievements; and your unemployment is an easy target. Understanding where they are coming from will go a long way in helping you realise that it is not you that has a problem.

Can you find anyone, a friend from university or even a relative who would understand and who you could talk to? Releasing your thoughts and speaking to a trusted person about all your insecurities and your overwhelming feelings will help you feel better and go some way in getting you back on your feet.

You can also try reframing your thoughts. If all you ever tell yourself these days is that you are a failure, change it and instead keep reminding yourself that you are a survivor who has overcome great odds to receive a university education and that you must keep going.

Now while you wait for the result of the CSS to be announced, avoid sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. That will just pull you down. And even though you must keep applying for jobs, try and also look at whatever it is you can do right now, that might make you more hireable.

Signing up for a course that will help you build a skill may be a good idea. Sure courses cost money, but think of what you pay as an investment in you. If you just cannot spare any money, try searching online for the numerous free resources, tutorials, e-books and how-to videos (Oh great GoP, can we please have Youtube back?) that could help you build your skills.

Use this time to start contacting your friends from university, your professors and also making new contacts. Seek them out, email them or call them and ask if they know of any job that is going. Do it with a positive attitude.

Could you also perhaps volunteer someplace? While you may not like the idea of working for free, but helping out somewhere will help you meet people and who knows what job that could lead you to. Volunteering at an NGO or a school will keep your skills fresh and also look good on your CV.

There are some people who might be opposed to any option that is not a government job or is not a full time employment; however, if you have that mindset, it is time to change it. You need to be open to other kinds of employment in other towns and cities. If that means that you get an opportunity to work as a teacher in a school, take it. It could lead to something else or maybe you will discover that teaching is the field for you. Tune out all the critical voices and do what needs to be done.

Good luck!

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com