It all began with the birth of Mr. Abdul Group in Panipat, India, in 1857 AD. His father was a humble farmer and his mother made great tasting lassi for a living. His father, Junaid Group, fell ill when he was bitten by a hoard of Amreekan Sundis that attacked his meagre wheat crop. Even his mother, Rubina Groupie, and her great tasting lassi couldn’t do much to heal her husband’s wounds.
The episode saw a very young Abdul Group moving out of his mud house to look for work. He first joined the East India Tea Company as a cook, where he eventually formed his own faction of the East Indian Tea Worker’s Union (Abdul Group). He was the only member.
However, the union was persecuted by the British and, of course, Lord Asif Ali Zardari. Now jobless and poverty-stricken, Abdul Group became a roving gigolo.
He was saved from this immoral activity by scholar, reformer and part-time Santa, Sir Syed Ahmed Khan. He made Abdul Group join the Aligarh College where he enrolled himself in the college’s Philosophy Department.
There, he studied the works of Nietzsche, Rousseau, Marx, and Mogambo. But before he could actually begin taking any classes at the college, he formed his own faction of the Aligarh Muslim Students Federation (Abdul Group). He was the only member.
Arrested for holding a protest rally against the British and teaching the philosophy of Mogambo, Abdul Group left the college and joined the Indian National Congress. But just 2.5 minutes after joining, he formed his own faction, the Indian National Congress (Abdul Group). He was the only member.
Haunted by the memories of studying the works of Mogambo, Mr. Abdul Group took to drinking and became a bum. He was helped to quit the evils of whisky by a kind, tolerant, and benevolent Buddhist monk, Bal Thakray.
Thakray taught Abdul Group the finer points of faith, peace, meditation and the wonders of having one’s own skull collection. He also showed Abdul Group a photo of some ordinary guy sitting on a chair and having tea. Just why he did that is not known, but it somehow made Abdul Group join the All India Muslim League.
However, a mere two seconds after joining, he formed his own faction, All India Muslim League (Abdul Group). He was the only member.
It was here that he started to read the works of the founder and chief of the Jamat-e-Islami, Charles Darwin.
He also studied the speeches of Abraham Lincoln and, for a while, formed the Republican Party (Abdul Group), until he was told that Lincoln had been assassinated by Lee Harvey Oswald. Hearing this, Abdul Group broke down in tears and in utter disillusionment formed a faction against his own faction. He called it All India Muslim League (Abdul Group-The Sequel).
After forming a faction against his own faction, he stormed out of the party meeting in which he himself was the speaker as well as the audience.
After announcing the party’s manifesto – that had something to do with Mogambo, jihad, and that photo of a guy sitting on a chair and having tea – he protested (as the audience), saying the party should stand for jihad, faith, and upholstery. He disagreed (as the speaker), but insisted (as the audience), and eventually stormed out (as the press), announcing to himself (as the speaker/audience/press) the end of All India Muslim League (Jamshed Group-The Sequel).
Then for about four years Jamshed Group vanished. It is believed that between 1943 and 1947 he converted to Jainism and travelled to Somalia in search of the Dalai Lama. In 1954 Mr. Abdul Group travelled to the newly formed country of Pakistan. While deeply studying the philosophical and literary works of Inzamamul Haq, Abdul Group decided to reform Muslim League (Abdul Group).
He then travelled to Lahore and announced that the Muslims of India need their own country. It was here that someone hit him over the head with a birthday balloon and told him that the Muslims of the subcontinent already had their own country since 1947, you stupid punk!
Sensing a conspiracy against Muslim League (Abdul Group), he started to drink heavily again. He became an alcoholic, roaming almost half naked in the streets of Sialkot until he was rescued by the distant cousin of Mehmood Ghaznavi, Orio Maqbool Biscuit, and Harun Yahya’s renegade nephew and famous witch doctor Dr. Danish Kaddu (aka Voodoo Master Sonic Boom Mambata).
Orio first got him to join the Pakistan chapter of the Alcoholic Anonymous Association, but within a day of joining, Abdul Group created his own faction, the Alcoholic Anonymous Association (Abdul Group).
After firing himself from his own Alcoholic Anonymous faction, Mr. Abdul Group moved in with Orio and Dr. Kaddu in their bunker. Just why they were living in a bunker is not known, but some people believe that they were sure Doomsday was just round the corner, and anybody who disagreed was on the payroll of RAW, or having a torrid affair with Asif Ali Zardari, who they believed was actually a malevolent jinn.
But soon, both Orio and kaddu kicked Abdul Group out because due to him they couldn’t get their US visas. They were really looking forward to visiting Disney Land.
In depression, Mr. Abdul Group went for a walk on the roads of Rawalpindi and ended up at a rally being held by the then Pakistani Prime Minister, Burt Lancaster.
In that rally, according to hysteric Pakistani historian, Zidee Hamid, an alien, most probably a Plutonian Freemason, took out a pistol and shot dead the PM and put the blame on another guy who was killed by the crowd.