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An insulting waste at marriages By Nusrat Nasarullah With the wedding season on, and the welcome ban on serving extravagantly meals at marriages having been restored. It is ample time and opportunity to reflect on the culture of waste, ostentatious display of wealth (read often ill gotten), power, elitism and clout, and on the subsequent humiliation of the have-nots, the down trodden and the disposed. It is not just ugly what one is referring to here, but also stinking, suffocating and symbolic of the stagnation that is deeply set into the moral fabric of this society. It is not just troubling to see how families are considering assorted ways and means to defy the ban, or side track it, but it is deeply saddening to see how those very people who talk of the poverty that exists in Pakistani society are the ones who are finding the flimsiest of excuses to serve meals. And what is amazing, said one Karachiite, is that these families use official connections, and contacts in the concerned quarters, to indulge in that grand waste. What is truly deplorable is that the people who eat at these weddings and Valimas, and Mehndis and other marriage related ceremonies and celebrations are folks who eat that kind of food as a matter of routine. There is nothing new for them in having that kind of menu, day in and day out. It could perhaps be understandable if the people being were poor, or those who had that kind of food once in a while. It is truly indicative of the heartlessness of this society, interpreted a citizen, as he detailed the ways in which people have begun to keep away from these marriages now. The reason being that with dinner being dropped from the occasion, and only soup or a Kashmiri tea being served, the attraction has gone down. Oh these greedy men! Having said all this, one cannot but recollect that ever since the fifties, there has been going on the discussion that Pakistani marriages should be simpler, and the waste, and the vulgar display of wealth be curtailed at least; that the curse of dowry be done away with. That the cost of a marriage should be brought down, as it was virtually destroying not just the low income families, but also middle class families have been rendered financially bankrupt, and psychologically derailed and emotionally ruined. Needless to say that the vulnerability of the bride's family and the status of the woman in this society are factors relevant to this context. Now one may also underline in dismay the observation that alongside all the hollowness of rhetoric and sermon in Karachi, as elsewhere in the country there has surfaced the glittering spectacle of marriage halls. Those money making propositions that are dotted in North Nazimabad, Gulshan-i-Iqbal and even Defence Housing Authority. Just about everywhere. Of course in a lifetime, we have all come across such individuals and families where simplicity of values was manifest in just about everything that was part of a marriage. But unfortunately that has not been the general trend; people have become wasteful with time and the emphasis on meals, and at times a weeklong programme of entertainment (in the dubious name of culture, or dubious culture) is part of the marriage package. Initiating and then propelling all this extravagance at weddings and Valimas is the blessed invitation card, observed one lady whose criticism was sharp on this count. She said that it was almost a rarity to see the simple invitation card in this society. With sophisticated printing technology that is available aplenty, and the "sense of competition" between families, these cards have been turned into art exhibits. There was a sarcasm and anger in the way, she said and wondered why the many women's organizations, or those that were committed to women's causes had stopped focusing on these themes. It is appropriate here to mention the fact that all those organizations that otherwise speak out on a variety of themes where no direct action is required, or where they are funded by foreign organizations, have maintained a silence over this marriage meals ban. But there has appeared an advertisement in several newspapers that needs to be mentioned for the clarity and the courage it has shown. This is from the All Pakistan Memon Federation, and the subject is "Imposition of ban on wedding meals and on other superfluous customs by the Supreme Court of Pakistan is a welcoming decision". This is what the detailed advertisement at the outset: "We wholeheartedly welcome the decision of the Supreme Court of Pakistan banning wedding meals and customs of a superfluous nature". The text goes onto the elaborate how sections are Pakistani society are manipulating to try and contest the ban. And then it concludes that "All Pakistan Memon Federation has called for an immediate meeting of its Social Customs Reform Committee where suggestions will be reviewed to make sure that the Supreme Court's decision is fully implemented. The outcome of the meeting will be made public in due course". Indeed in due course, we will see what will happen. The picture today is changing and the situation is fluid. Meals are being served and there are other marriages where meals are not being served. Those who can make the necessary and needful arrangements to serve meals are doing just that. They believe they are right in serving meals, and they are non-chalant to the grim tragic economic realities of this society, where the gulf between the rich and the poor is dangerously widening to a point of no return. It is amazing (read disgustingly so) that even educated people who should be more sensitive and perceptive to the needs of the low income groups, and be conscious of how the affluent and educated should be setting good examples, are the very vocal people justifying meals in the name of tradition and culture. Appalling, is all that one can say. The Memon Federation is so far the first organization that has come forward with this clear stand, and it needs to be applauded. It has referred to "superfluous customs" such as Rasm-i-Hina and Rasm-i-Mayun, which too are occasions for lavish spending. It has also referred to the fact that once again some people are resorting to having bogus, make believe, Aqeeqa and birthday dinners (even in five star hotels) to cover up wedding dinners and Valimas. And it has referred to another malpractice wherein marriage hall owners and caterers are arranging (after extra handsome amounts are paid) these meals without any law enforcing agency (read police, says experience) creating any problem. I asked one young man over lunch during the week of what he thought about the ban on meals and whether he was in favour of it. He smiled cautiously and said that "this is controversial issue..." Please Visit our Sponsor (Ads open in separate window)
