Dear Agni Ammi,I am 28. My trouble is that my ex who got married is blackmailing me: he has proved to be a stark villain — a fraud. He says that if I don’t give him money, he will show my love messages he still has to my brothers and then I will face the consequences.

I am very afraid and worried since my two brothers do not have any idea (I believe) about my friendship with my ex. My brothers are very strict and will most likely kill me if they come to know of this. When my other brother, who is now abroad, did a similar thing, he was repeatedly beaten up black and blue.

My ex has already managed to get thirty thousand rupees from me in the past four months and is demanding more. Since my mother and father have passed away, my elder brother is the head of the family and I can’t even think of telling him about my folly which has indeed proved very costly.

Both of my sisters, one of whom is married, know about my dilemma but certainly have not found any way out of my problem.My ex still phones me and sends shivers down my spine by asking for more money. Please tell me some way out of this so that I can save both my money and respect and live my life happily like before.Your Worried Daughter.

Dear Brave,Your blackmailing ex knows that you are petrified of your brothers and is using it as a way to make money. The only way to solve your problem is to show him that you are not scared of your brothers or anyone else for that matter. Indeed Auntie hopes that you have saved a few love messages yourself which you could share with his wife and in the process show the woman (and hopefully the rest of his family) what a spineless good-for-nothing vulture her husband is. In fact the next time he calls asking for money tell him that you want to call his wife and tell her where the money that’s being used to support her lifestyle is coming from.

Now for the difficult bit. You’ll have to be brave — braver than you have ever been — and perhaps ask your sister (the one who knows) to tell your brother of the situation. Or if there is anyone else who your brothers are close to and who’s opinion they respect (a tolerant elder from the family or a bhabi), you can go to that person also about speaking to your brother about your situation, calming them down and perhaps saving you from their wrath. But the sooner you face the music and take the fear out of the situation, the better.

Sending love messages to someone whom you think you love is not a biggy. Everyone in love and with a cell phone is doing it.On the other hand blackmailing is a real crime punishable by law.

Dear Auntie,I’m a 20-year-old girl and a student. I’ve been in a relationship with a guy from my Uni for almost a year, we have been best friends for a year before getting into a relationship. The problem is that I’m totally in love with this guy and he claims the same but whenever we fight, he gets abusive and insults me a lot. Even on very minor issues, he insults me like I have committed a sin. He doesn’t care if I cry and don’t talk to him after the fight even if it’s his mistake. Eventually, I forgive him on my own every time and then he admits he was wrong, asks for a last chance, and promises that it won’t happen again, but the same thing happens again. He doesn’t treat me like his girl. I am financially stronger than him and I buy him everything he wants, but I never made him feel low. Everything goes fine till I keep listening to him and do everything he wants, both right and wrong.

We have broken up thrice because of his behaviour but then sorted it out. Last night, we fought and he insulted me again. Now he is asking for another last chance. I am mentally very disturbed and tired of all this. I have lost my respect in my own eyes after all this. Please suggest what I should do ASAP.Tired and Abused

Dear Empowered,People in healthy relationships and in love do not sign off their emails with ‘Tired and Abused.’ He insults and abuses you which are reasons enough to finally bail out of this relationship. The mental stress you are going through and the fact that you are losing respect for yourself is a huge red flag that this is the wrong relationship for you. It’s an addictive relationship, but it is wrong. So resolve to respect yourself and stay away from this guy, take a deep breath and move on ASAP.

Hey Auntie Agni,Are you single? Just askin’....Dude

Hey dude,You haven’t been reading this column long enough so keep guessin’…

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to  auntieagni@gmail.com