Coming from archaic roots of radio, then a black-and-white film series that ran in cinemas, an off-again on-again burst of comics and the limited series of 1966 featuring Bruce Lee and Van Williams, The Green Hornet has a few straight facts attached to its premise.

Brett Reid is the owner of the unflinching newspaper, The Daily Sentinel, with his ever-faithful Asian manservant, Kato (Jay Chou), by his side. In his alter ego, Brett dons a Chesterfield coat, fedora, a stick-on plastic mask (Kato has an all-black chauffeur’s bodysuit) and rides the night in the black, weapon-laden Chrysler Imperial Crown as the vigilante crime fighter, The Green Hornet.

As a first-off film, Seth Rogen (also the writer of the film with Evan Goldberg) updates himself as Brett Reid, who is a playboy whimpering with daddy issues. Brett’s dad is a gruff Tom Wilkinson, the multi-millionaire publisher who needs no reason to be consistently grumpy.

Wilkinson, before his demise by a hornet’s sting and an allergic reaction, comes off as a more demanding villain than Chudnofsky (a nearly wasted Christoph Waltz), a city controlling mob boss with a flinching attitude about his public image.

Rogen writes himself as an invariable loser. He lacks smartness, instinct, resourcefulness or a plan of attack; and his fighting skill is limited to that of a kindergarten brawler. The film thus brings us Kato (Jay Chou), a genius coffee maker with an aptitude for reconditioning vehicles with guns and bullet-proof armour. If that wasn’t enough, Kato suspends time (not literally), locks gaze into the villains’ weak points and drop-kicks them in unbelievable action choreography.

As evident from the awkward pairing, the skewed-up formula scarcely works. Chou barely speaks fluent English, but is fittingly highlighted as an engaging lead (after all he is the one doing everything). Rogen, even when danger calls, sparks up dumb plans of action that routinely end with drab, anarchic car chases or smashed buildings.

The Green Hornet also introduces, in minor significance, Edward James Olmos as the editor of The Daily Sentinel; David Harbor as the district attorney-cum-co-villain and Cameron Diaz as Reid’s 30-something secretary — a blonde with brains who sparks up a small war between Kato and Reid. Their war, like everything else in the film, is futile and rickety.

Rogen and Goudry — all but invisible — try to marry the inelegant with the whimsy and end up with potluck gumbo.

Released by Columbia, The Green Hornet is rated PG-13. Violence and death is almost marginal to the headache it induces.