Respected Auntie,
I am a fourth-year student and a content creator. I want to discuss an issue that keeps resurfacing, despite my efforts to put the matter behind me.
In my second year of university, I became friends with a male classmate. He soon confessed that he had feelings for me. I briefly considered the possibility, but I knew that he was not the right choice for me. Therefore, I didn’t encourage him and gradually reduced contact.
Nonetheless, we occasionally had to interact as classmates. He continued to interpret normal interactions as signs that I might reconsider. So, with the intention of helping him move on, I distanced myself from mutual friends, stopped posting on social media and went into a sort of ‘freeze mode.’ Even then, he still brings up that brief connection, which I find upsetting.
‘He Refuses To Accept My No’
What troubles me further is that, even after getting engaged to his cousin in our third year, he not only concealed the event from me, but also continued giving me special attention back then. Ever since I learnt of his engagement, I find it even more disturbing.
Recently, there was a mix-up when my father’s financial manager mistakenly handed charity food packages intended for another classmate with a similar name to him. Although I decided not to contact him regarding the matter, he still assumed it carried some personal meaning.
I do not have any interest in his personal life, relationships or anything else, but we have been assigned to the same final-year project group, which is due in two months. I am already coping with emotionally difficult circumstances, including my father’s death. This situation is adding unnecessary stress. How do I communicate these concerns to him without making it awkward or confrontational?
Seeking Peace
Dear Seeking Peace,
From everything that you have written, you seem to have already communicated your answer. You didn’t encourage the relationship, you gradually pulled away, and you even changed your own behaviour to create distance. You are not responsible for someone else’s decision to keep hoping you will develop feelings for them.
What concerns me even more is that you changed yourself and your lifestyle as a way to manage his emotions — and you did it for a long time. You distanced yourself from friends, you stopped posting on social media and you also altered your own life to avoid misunderstandings. That’s a lot of responsibility to place on yourself.
Now that you are in the same project group, you need to keep the relationship civil and limited to the project. You can discuss the project, and meet when necessary, but avoid personal conversations.
If he continues to see ordinary interactions as something more, then you may need to make things clear. You can say something like, ‘We have a working relationship, but I don’t want there to be any misunderstanding. My feelings haven’t changed and we should stay focused on the project.’ You certainly don’t owe him repeated explanations about what you decided years ago.
Finally, be gentle and kind to yourself. You are grieving for your father while trying to complete your degree. You cannot take on the burden of someone else’s inability to accept your decision.
So, in order to be kind, you need to be polite but, sometimes, you also need to be extremely unambiguous and clear. In this situation, when you are making it clear to this boy that you are not interested in him, you are actually being kind to him. Do not lose your focus.
Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.
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Published in Dawn, EOS, August 9th, 2026