Dear Auntie,
I am a 24-year-old girl currently preparing for the Central Superior Services (CSS) exam. For the past 10 months, I have been living in complete isolation, confined to my room and entirely cut off from my family and friends. I used to be a very social person, but now I find myself disconnected from everyone. Despite living under the same roof, I barely see my mother — only once a day, when she brings me food.

This isolation has taken a toll on me, both physically and mentally. I’ve gained weight due to a lack of physical activity, and my mental health has deteriorated. I am constantly anxious about failure. Preparing for this exam was entirely my own decision, and because of that, I feel solely accountable for whatever the outcome may be.

At a time when all of my friends seem to be flourishing in their careers and relationships, I’m still stuck, struggling with uncertainty. On top of that, my mind seems to reject any emotional connection with anyone. I don’t feel any attraction toward anyone. It feels like I can’t share my life with someone. For me, emotional and intellectual connection means everything. Yet, I find myself failing even in this aspect of life.

‘My CSS Prep is Taking a Toll on My Well-Being’

I feel like a failure. I’ve sacrificed everything for this exam and the thought of not passing it terrifies me.

My teachers and mentors genuinely believe in me. They encourage and appreciate my efforts and are confident that I will pass easily. But, somewhere deep down, I’ve become so under-confident that it is starting to overwhelm me. The anxiety has become constant and I feel like I’m on the verge of a breakdown.

I can’t bring myself to talk to anyone, so I decided to write this letter to you.
Anxious One

 Dear Anxious One,
Thank you for writing in. Preparing for the CSS exam is a difficult thing. When we stake so much on a single outcome, it can feel unbearable. But let’s pause for a second and think about your situation from another point of view.

Ten months of living in isolation will take a toll on anyone. Human beings aren’t designed to function in such a manner. Connecting with others, moving around, laughing and having conversations are real needs. Being disciplined shouldn’t come at the cost of your mental and physical well-being.

When you say you are feeling disconnected from your emotions and from other people, these are red flags. The anxiety you feel and the fear of failure, is not weakness, it is burnout.

You, my love, need to step back and recharge.

You have shown remarkable strength to commit the way you have. But you need to create balance in your life. Get out for a walk every day. It needn’t be long. Just a short walk will do, even if it is just outside your house. If you can’t get out to have coffee or chai with a friend, sit with your mom for half an hour while you eat. Call a friend and don’t talk about the exam. Rest, take a small break from all the studying and connect with others. This will sharpen your thinking also.

Finally, just remember that you are not your exam result. You are a complex human being with or without the CSS. And your life should be filled with joy, not just with milestones.

Sending lots of love. Take a deep breath and a break.

Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, April 27th, 2025