I am a 36-year-old man and have two children. I got married eight years ago but, because of certain reasons, my wife and I have always been fighting. We have been fighting about everything and she keeps comparing me to others in her family. I now want to have some peace in my life and am considering getting married again.

Both my wife and I have anger issues and we flare up real fast. This is not good for our children. I know my wife will get angry if I tell her I want to marry again, but I don’t think things will change between us. I don’t want to leave her, but I need someone calm and peaceful to take care of me.

Puzzled

‘How should I tell my wife I want a second wife?’

Dear Puzzled,

Hmmm… how to get the wife to agree to let you bring someone else into your marriage? How do you say it without saying it? You don’t. It surprises me that you are talking about this as if it is something very matter-of-fact. I don’t think it is possible for you to discuss this with your wife without there being a big blow up. If both of you have tempers, I can assure you that there is no easy way to get through this and satisfy your desire for a second partner.

I would advise you not to go for a second marriage because, if you think your life is difficult right now, it will only become further complicated. How about you close your eyes and visualise telling your wife that you want a second (and better) wife. And watch her give you a hug and help you find the woman of your dreams.

Also let’s turn the tables here. How about if she comes to you and calmly explains that even after two children, you are not enough for her. You don’t get along, your emotional and physical needs are not being met, and that she wants out. And that she wants to move on with someone else who is more compatible. How would you feel about that?

Also let’s turn the tables here. How about if she comes to you and calmly explains that even after two children, you are not enough for her. You don’t get along, your emotional and physical needs are not being met, and that she wants out. And that she wants to move on with someone else who is more compatible. How would you feel about that?

She would get along with the new partner. He would not park himself on the couch after coming home from work and would actually help her out with the children. The new partner might even help her out with housework and help her get some time away from housework. Her second marriage would be so much better than this one.

With two children, please make the best of the partner that you do have. Take your marriage seriously and work on it to make it better. Get professional counselling to help you work through your issues. You have a family to think about, so think of the counselling as an investment in your family’s future.

Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.

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Published in Dawn, EOS, September 18th, 2022