Reach out to those casual friends you miss

On an average day, we interact between 11 and 16 times with casual acquaintances — think your favourite barista or the colleague that you always see at the microwave in the break room. Now that we live in an era of social distancing, these once-common interactions have disappeared, and we no longer have physical reminders that we are part of a wider social network. Reaching out to show someone that you’re thinking of them will make you both feel a bit closer during this challenging time. First, think of the right way to reach out — is it a text, a phone call, an email, a Facebook message? What will put the least amount of pressure on the recipient? If you don’t get a response, don’t take it personally. Think about this interaction as similar to smiling at a colleague in the hallway: Sometimes you might stop and chat, and sometimes you might not. Instead of expecting a reply, enjoy the knowledge that your message is likely to deliver a little hit of happiness for the recipient. It may feel awkward at first, but reaching out to an acquaintance will create a spark of joy for both of you while you’re out of each other’s sight.

(This tip is adapted from “Why You Miss Those Casual Friends So Much,” by Gillian Sandstrom and Ashley Whillans.)

Working parents, help each other recharge

It’s not always easy for working parents to communicate their own needs, but it’s worth discussing with your partner how you can each make time for self-care. Before having the conversation, take a few minutes to make a list of what would most benefit you. Is it taking 15 minutes after work to decompress

before jumping into child care responsibilities? Maybe it’s enjoying a couple of hours on a weeknight to read a novel. Choose one or two things that are feasible and would truly recharge you. When it’s time for you and your partner to talk, make sure you’re both free of distractions, relatively calm and not overtired. During the conversation, remember that you’re playing for the same team. Use “I feel” statements that focus on your own experience instead of accusatory “you always” statements. Listen to your partner’s needs, and be willing to make concessions. You’ll both benefit if you approach the conversation with empathy and an open mind.

(This tip is adapted from “How to Communicate Your Self-Care Needs to Your Partner,” by Jackie Coleman.)

Keep your perfectionist tendencies in check

Perfectionism can hold you back from the excellence you’re striving for. You might be paralysed by decision-making, for example, because each choice feels monumental. Or you might feel morally obligated to over deliver. Or you rigidly cling to habits that no longer serve you. To mitigate these self-destructive tendencies, start by developing self-awareness and systems to hold yourself accountable. For instance, to stop yourself from ruminating over decisions, set a rule, such as, “once I have thought about this three times, I will make a call and get on with it.” To tone down your tendency to over deliver, pick a few areas where you’re OK just meeting expectations. And weed out the habits that no longer serve you by regularly reviewing the opportunity cost of your day-to-day commitments. You may find that some daily practices — such as your workout regimen, your meal schedule or your morning routine — are actually draining your energy, not helping to restore it.

(This tip is adapted from “Don’t Let Perfection Be the Enemy of Productivity,” by Alice Boyes.)

Be an emotionally supportive colleague

Research shows that employees who bring their authentic selves to work perform better and report greater job satisfaction. But what if a colleague doesn’t feel comfortable opening up? How can you support the person? It can be as simple as asking, “how are you?” and following up if you get an “I’m fine.” You might say something like, “I know you said you were fine when I asked earlier, but I felt like something may be off, and I just wanted to check in again.” Then follow his lead on how much — or how little — they want to share. Don’t force the issue, even if you still suspect he’s struggling. Instead, focus on creating the conditions that would make anyone feel safe enough to be vulnerable, such as honouring confidentiality and respecting someone’s decision not to open up. You might say: “I’m here if you want to talk — and I won’t pry if you don’t.” This will signal compassion and support in a non-imposing way and model how to build a more open, trusting environment for everyone.

(This tip is adapted from “Be a Colleague That Others Can Confide In,” by Deborah Grayson Riegel.)'

Published in Dawn, The Business and Finance Weekly, May 25th , 2020