Cats is what happens when Hollywood producers smoke too much catnip, and believe they have a good idea for a 100 million dollar film. The problem is that they didn’t pass out some of that catnip at the cinema with the popcorn. This leaves you with the most bizarre viewing experience of the year, and some uncanny Valley-fueled nightmares. If you’ve seen Cats and are a cat owner, then consider leaving your feline friend in the bathroom before going to bed, to avoid further anxiety-inducing surprises in the middle of the night.
This is a musical film based on the famous stage musical by Andrew Lloyd Webber. While I’ve never seen it live, I’ve watched numerous clips on YouTube. It certainly has appeal, with performers bringing an infectious and hypnotic energy to the show with their physicality.
Unfortunately, there’s none of that appeal with Cats. The film barely has any choreography, and appears to be one big joke for the actors. Director Tom Hooper seems to have put the production through the CGI wringer twice, and then once again for good measure. They may as well call this an animated film, because it looks more like a low-budget video game than a live-action musical.
Director Tom Hooper’s Cats may well make you caterwaul
What’s more, the special effects are lacking. Sometimes, the humanoid bodies move a touch faster than the actors’ faces. What’s more, the feet occasionally float above the ground. Coupled with the weirdness of the actors trying to behave like cats and the creepy sexual undertones, Cats could be used by military intelligence to torture prisoners and extract information: “Please, I’ll tell you where the device is. Just stop showing me those scary felines.”