In Bhaiaji Superhit — a comedy-actioner starring Sunny Deol, playing at a few screens in Lahore — a gangster by the name of Lal Bhaisahab Dubey (aka Bhaiaji; Deol) always asks his victims two questions. The answer to the first one is quite easy; his second question, though, makes no sense.

These stupefying moments for Bhaiaiji’s victims (and the audience) sum up the gist of the movie; it makes no sense.

Bhaiaji, also lovingly called 3D Bhaia for some inexplicable reason, is Uttar Pradesh’s big-brother gangster who stands up for the weak, while foiling evil plans of the states’ other gangster (Jaideep Ahlawat). Our hero’s only weakness is wife Sapna (Preity Zinta), the gun-toting daughter of another gangster, who had left Bhaiaji in a fit of jealously.

Sunny Deol stars in a film that doesn’t know which way is up

Stuck in a perpetual state of weepiness, Bhaiaji seeks the help of a psychiatrist (Sanjay Mishra), and later, a film director (Arshad Warsi) and a failed screenwriter (Shreyas Talpade) who concoct plans to make a movie based on Bhaiaiji’s life so that he may somehow win back Sapna. Soon, a sultry heroine (Amisha Patel) and a look-alike actor (also Deol) are added to an overstuffed cast list that include Evelyn Sharma (for a shot or two), Mukul Dev, Ranjeet, Pankaj Tripathi and Brijendra Kala.

Writer-director Neeraj Pathak — director of Right Yaaa Wrong, and screenwriter of Apne, Ghaath and Pardes (though, in an associate role) — doesn’t have an inkling of what he needs to do. For the bulk of the movie, Pathak assembles the cast at a single location and wastes them in a story that doesn’t know which way is up.

Bhaiaji, also lovingly called 3D Bhaia for some inexplicable reason, is Uttar Pradesh’s big-brother gangster who stands up for the weak, while foiling evil plans of the states’ other gangster.

To cover this botch-up, amateurishly written, sloppily shot, badly edited scenes are lobbed out in a frenzy. One feels bad for the actors (Talpade and Dev, in particular) who know that this is simply a gig to keep their kitchen fires burning.

Despite a gazillion flaws, you’ve probably had worse movie experiences than Bhaiaji Superhit; but in case you haven’t, give yourselves a pat on the back and thank your lucky stars. Some people in Lahore might not have been so lucky.

Published in Dawn, ICON, January 13th, 2019