Keep checking in on your emotional intelligence

Emotional intelligence can be strengthened over time with commitment and discipline. But those who most need to develop it often realise that too late. So here are some telltale signs that you need to work on your emotional intelligence:

• You get impatient and frustrated when you think that others don’t get to the point soon enough.

• You’re surprised when others are sensitive to your comments or jokes, and you think they’re overreacting.

• You think being liked at work is overrated.

• You weigh in early with your opinions and stand behind them no matter what.

• You hold others to the same high expectations you hold for yourself.

• You find others are to blame for most of the issues on your team.

• You find it annoying when others expect you to know how they feel.

(Adapted from Signs That You Lack Emotional Intelligence, by Muriel Maignan Wilkins)

Make difficult conversations less daunting

Difficult conversations are inevitable. But if you manage them properly, you can keep your relationships intact.

First, don’t think of the conversation as difficult — you’ll only feel nervous and upset. Instead, frame it in a positive, less binary way. You’re not giving negative feedback; you’re having a constructive conversation about development.

It can help to jot down key points beforehand, but don’t write a script. Try to see the other person’s point of view. Ask yourself: What is the problem? And what does the other person think is the problem? If you aren’t sure, acknowledge that you don’t know and ask.

Then deliver the tough news in a courageous, honest and fair way. Just don’t play victim. The worst thing you can do is to ask for sympathy by saying things like ‘I feel so bad about saying this’ or ‘This is really hard for me to do.’

(Adapted from How to Handle Difficult Conversations at Work, by Rebecca Knight)

Make a small change to disconnect from work

We know that working excessive hours leads to exhaustion and impaired judgment. Yet it’s still so hard for many of us to disconnect. Make it easier by thinking small. Rather than trying to modify all of your work habits, find one thing you can change about your behaviour and start there.

For example, try leaving your smartphone in another room when you get home at night so you won’t be tempted to check your work email.

Or spend a few minutes learning how to program the emails you send in the evening to arrive first thing in the morning — that way you’re not sucked into a back and forth with colleagues at all hours.

Or find a new, enjoyable activity to fill your time. Take up biking, join a sports league or sign up for baking lessons.

(Adapted from Working Too Hard Makes Leading More Difficult, by Ron Friedman)

Small steps can put work goals within reach

Setting work goals is easy. Accomplishing them is another matter. If you want your resolutions to stick, you need to:

- Commit publicly:

Write down your goals, and share them with your manager, peers, direct reports, friends and family.

- Create a plan of action:

Think step-by-step tactics. If your goal is, for example, to develop a more trusting relationship with your direct reports, take them to lunch individually and start engaging with them on a more personal level.

• Recruit support:

Colleagues, mentors, your significant other or a professional coach can be both your cheering squad and sounding board.

- Set milestones:

As time goes by, it becomes more difficult to stay motivated. You need regular signals that reinforce what you’re working toward, such as a reminder on your phone or a recurring ‘meeting’ on your calendar for thinking about what your goals mean to you and your career.

(Adapted from Make Your Work Resolutions Stick, by Rebecca Knight)

Published in Dawn, Economic & Business, April 20th , 2015

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