SYDNEY, Jan 22: Damien Martyn has spoken for the first time about his shock decision to quit the Australian team midway through the Ashes series, saying he walked away because he had lost motivation and was worried he would let the team down.

“I just couldn't go on. I was letting down my team-mates,” the former middle-order batsman said in an interview broadcast on Australian television on Monday.

Martyn announced his retirement in December after Australia won the second Test in Adelaide to lead the series 2-0, but the timing caught everyone by surprise

The stylish right-hander had not been in the best of form but was assured of being selected for the third Test in his home city of Perth with Australia on the verge of regaining the Ashes.

“A lot of people might not be happy with it — some people will be shocked and disappointed but for me — for my personal happiness... it was the right time to go.”

Martyn did not even tell his own team-mates and went into hiding to escape the media attention before reappearing at the final Test in Sydney.

The 35-year-old said he regretted his decision not to tell close friend and Australian captain Ricky Ponting but said he could not face him at the time.

In explaining his decision not to tell his team-mates before making the announcement, Martyn said he knew he had to make a clean break and that they would have tried to talk him into seeing out the series.

He said the decision not to tell Ponting was one he had been grappling with.

“That's always going to be something I have to live with,” he said.

“Look he's disappointed and rightly so, but to look him in the eye, I would have broken down, I would have been in tears and I don't think I could have said what I wanted to say.”

Martyn said the reason he kept his decision from his team-mates was because he knew they would try to change his mind.

“And I love them for that because they wanted to keep me in and part of it,” he said.

Martyn said he had settled happily into retirement with his new wife, Annika. “I've never been comfortable with the whole celebrity stuff that comes with the game, I found it hard to deal with.”—Agencies