The Commonwealth has been recently in the news because as Pakistan's membership of that futile club has been restored, a remark made by its secretary-general has annoyed President Pervaiz Musharraf. The former is reported to have said that he would keep an eye on Pakistan and monitor its activities.
What is the Commonwealth, after all? The answer came from an Englishman himself a few days ago. He was here on a visit, trying to do good for us poor Pakistanis. During the course of a conversation with a friend, he asked the latter what he thought of the Commonwealth.
"Supposing you tell me," my friend said. To my friend's delighted surprise, the Englishman replied, "Well, I think the Commonwealth is a deodorant which we use when memories of the Raj begin to stink.
It is of no practical use except that it fights off evils smells. That is why we invented it." The British are not known for their sense of humour but the gentleman quoted above does have a fair share of it. Don't you think?
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Ronald Reagan, the 40th President of the United States, died recently at the ripe old age of 93. RIP. He was given a state funeral reserved generally for kings and emperors.
Good, bad or indifferent, Mr Reagan was the most lovable American president I have known. Perhaps history will rate Richard M Nixon higher of the two in spite of his infamous Watergate expletives.
There was something which made you like Ronald Reagan in spite of your self. Perhaps it was the way he spoke or perhaps it was the kindness in his Irish eyes that endeared him to me. It was for nothing that they called him the Great Communicator although I will never know what he wanted to communicate.
Let me recall a couple of Reagan stories here. When he was out campaigning for a second term in office, a fat old woman asked him if he was not too old for president? "I will be 77 when I leave the White House," Mr Reagan had replied. And as we all know, he laughed his way into the Oval Office just like that.
Again, as he was nearing the end of his White House days, someone suggested that he should have the constitution amended in order to seek a third and even a fourth term as president.
"That will be great for me but not so great for the United States," Mr Reagan had replied, unlike some of our own presidents and prime ministers who have wanted to be there for life.
Mercifully, nature, if not the constitution, has always intervened in our behalf.I am reminded of another Reagan story here. When he was a small-time actor in Hollywood, a friend had asked him if he would like to be president. President of what? Mr Reagan had asked.
President of the United States, of course, the friend had replied. "That means even you don't approve of my acting," Mr Reagan had said in dismay. And if you don't know, Mr Reagan was a Democrat in his early years before joining the GOP.
So God bless America for Korea and for Vietnam and for Afghanistan and for Iraq and, for Israel where the Zionists are flattening Palestinian houses at will. That reminds me an American senator had once said that his country needed a nice little war going on in the world all the time for the US to make nice little profits all the time.
It has been more or less like that over the years. Or don't you think? For all this and for many other things that I don't know, God bless America.
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It was their finest hour. Not only had Bangladesh the satisfaction of declaring their second innings closed with nine wickets down, they also had the satisfaction of winning a more than honourable draw against the West Indies in their own backyard in St Lucia two weeks ago.
In their previous twenty-eight Test matches, Bangladesh had only five centuries. In St Lucia, they added three more. Skipper Habib ul Bashar made 113, their famous spinner, Mohammad Rafique, hit 111 and finally, Khalid Mashood, the former Bangladesh captain, made a solid unbeaten 103 when they were most needed. But for them, the West Indies might have snatched an unlikely victory.
For the second Test in Jamaica, Brian Lara put his captaincy on line and insisted that he would settle for nothing less than victory or step down. His team supported him to the hilt and won the game and the series inside four days by an innings and 99 runs. Of the 30 Test matches so far, Bangladesh have lost as many as 27 while the other three have been drawn, thanks mainly to the weather.
But here is a little warning. I was watching a sports channel on TV when one of the commentators read out a letter from a cricket fan in Dhaka. The correspondent had said that the PCB must re-appoint Wasim Akram as captain for two years or be prepared for a whitewash when Pakistan played Bangladesh in Bangladesh next.
Considering Pakistan's recent record, this is not an impossibility. If not a whitewash, it looks more than likely that Bangladesh will win their first-ever Test against Pakistan.
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Simon Taufel, I am told, is a great umpire. Yet on Saturday, he gave three rulings which would have put even our very own Idrees Beg to shame. He gave Scott Styris out caught behind off the England fast bowler Harmison when the former's bat was nowhere near the ball.
Likewise, he gave the Kiwi skipper Stephen Fleming out lbw to Andrew Flintoff when the ball would have certainly missed the stumps, leg, middle, and off. Two atrocious decisions in one single session. As friend Naeem Bukhari would say, if Taufel is an umpire, I am Charlie's aunt.
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What do you make of the federal budget? I can make neither head nor tail of it. It is in billions, 903 to be exact. In 1947, I am sure, it could have been no more than Rs190 million.
Such has been the fall in the price of the rupee. As Oscar Wilde had once said: "We shall omit that chapter on the fall in the price of the rupee. It is altogether too melodramatic."
Learning to say it as it is
By Jawed Naqvi
Why did Muslim rule come to an abrupt end in India? There may be a hundred rational and compelling arguments for the passing into history of a great cultural and political power.
But few of us pay heed to the folklore that seeks to explain the fall. According to a legend narrated to me last week by a senior sajjada nashin, or spiritual leader at the shrine of Hazrat Nizamuddin Aulia, the 14th century sufi saint, the decline of the Mughal power was rooted in certain indiscretions committed by the rulers of the day against their saints.
One such insult was the building of a grave of the debauched Mughal prince Muhammad Shah 'Rangeelay' between the mausoleums of Hazrat Nizamuddin Aulia and his disciple and muse, Hazrat Amir Khusrau at the complex in Delhi that is revered by millions.
"Another reason for the fall of the Mughal rule was the conversion of the rites at the shrine of Khwaja Bakhtiar Kaki in Mehrauli, now a Delhi suburb, into a 'mela' (a fair) known as 'phoolwalon ki sair' by the last Mughal emperor Bahadur Shah Zafar."
He was punished for this insult to the sufi sage and was thus exiled to Rangoon by the British. All this was a fascinating revelation. But of course there must be hundreds of thousands of legends to explain the happenings in other periods of South Asia's history.
Much of the problems of multicultural and pluralist societies like ours lie in our inability to share our prejudices or even private beliefs on a wider public platform so there can be an open and informed debate on them.
When such beliefs are purveyed as whispers and that too only to a chosen few, then it is a sure sign of trouble ahead. The learning or unlearning of history, separating facts from fiction, becomes a major controversy.
Last week, a group of Marxist historians gathered in Delhi to take stock of the new government's moves against the widely perceived obscurantism that was injected into the school curriculum by the revivalist government of Atal Bihari Vajpayee.
Professor Aditya Mukherjee said while the Bharatiya Janata Party accused Mohammed Ali Jinnah of propagating the two-nation theory, it failed to name its real author, the Hindutva bigot Veer Savarkar, who had expounded a decade or two before Jinnah the theory that Hindus and Muslims constituted two separate nationalities.
Hindu revivalists had co-opted many heroes from the nationalist movement because they had none of their own. These include Bhagat Singh, Sardar Patel and even Mahatma Gandhi.
Then there are the more vexing issues relating to ancient culture and traditions. Among these, the most incendiary is the issue of beef-eating. Professor D.N. Jha said it was historically untrue that the Vedas had prescribed any punishment for eating beef. "So go ahead and eat beef, but remember red meat is not good for your health," he warned.
Unfortunately, there is no space in the mass media for discussions on such issues. TV is almost entirely taken up by a host of channels that promote pseudo-spiritual claptrap.
We need to dissect not only the major issues but also the old wives tales that are taken as gospel by the gullible. Take for instance the stories that our nursemaid in Lucknow used to fill our heads with.
One of Najman Bua's cautionary tales was about playing 'holi', the festival of colours with our Hindu neighbours. Every spot of the body that was touched by such colour would be cut from our bodies, she would warn us. Fortunately, we were a heretical lot and paid no heed.
A few days before the recent elections were announced, I was attending a seminar on the 'secular agenda' that should be encouraged in the polls. During the lunch break some of us took a drive to Jama Masjid, where we barged into the home of a friend, a burly Pathan resident who is an Urdu professor and an excellent cook. The gentleman rustled up an excellent meal for us and fairly quickly too.
The 'qorma' and the 'qeema' were both finger-licking good, but was very nearly spoiled by the conversation. The talk had veered to some stock cultural observations - pitting "generous Muslim hospitality" against the "miserly Brahminical culture" of not sharing meals with non-caste people. To our embarrassment, these critical observations were coming from the same Muslim men who only a short while back had been championing the cause of secularism.
Would it not have been better for such 'beliefs' to have been discussed publicly so that people are able to come to terms with the prejudices that poison communal harmony? Sharing the story of a great meal and the communal conversation that embellished it would certainly have led to a cascade of similarly interesting confessions by others present in the assembly.
As Marxist and liberal historians grapple with the agenda of de-communalizing the educational curriculum it looks like a low- yield project. It provides some intellectual satisfaction to the academics but changing the selection of facts in textbooks is unlikely to change widely held perceptions by both sides about the 'other'.
The real discourse is happening on television, in the cinema halls, in newspapers and, above all, in the minds of the people who keep their thoughts and prejudices well hidden from public discourse.
It is this hidden bigotry that has to be aired - and very publicly. It is the only way to frontally take on the insidious campaign of the Hindu revivalist groups such as the Rashtriya Swayamsewak Sangh.
The RSS has spread its hateful campaign against India's minorities, not merely through textbooks but by indoctrinating their well-disciplined cadres, by cornering all the liberal space on television, cinema and journalism.
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Such is the widespread fear of the previous government's failed India Shining campaign, that four luxury BMW cars, custom fitted for then prime minister Atal Bihari Vajpayee, have become a headache for the new government.
While Prime Minister Dr Manmohan Singh, known for his dislike of ostentation, is reluctantly using two of them, there are no takers for the rest. The cars, that cost the government Rs 50 million a piece, are armoured vehicles capable of withstanding a landmine blast.
They are fitted with the latest security and communication equipment. Informed sources say President A.P.J. Abdul Kalam, Vice- President Bhairon Singh Shekhawat and Congress president Sonia Gandhi have all refused to use the cars.
A new investment option
By Karachian
Many people who had invested in the National Savings Schemes were extremely annoyed when the government trimmed the rate of returns. It is no use transferring the money to a bank since banks no longer offer a thousand rupees on a deposit of a hundred thousand rupees.
It is not profitable to pursue the dollar either, for, thanks to the tight monetary policy of the State Bank, the value of the greenback does not fluctuate as widely as it did in the past. Fearful of land-grabbers and squatters, many people do not want to invest in real estate. So, what to do?
One such frustrated individual read in the papers that the government was selling five per cent of its holding in the Oil and Gas Development Company (OGDC) through the Karachi Stock Exchange.
With scant knowledge of the workings of a bourse, he did not relish the process of filling out an application form and standing in a queue at a bank to submit it. But his delight knew no bounds when the OGDC shares, which he had purchased for Rs32 apiece, rose to Rs66, enabling him to pocket a profit of over 100 per cent in less than four months.
The individual started to take an interest in the stock exchange, and learnt that the offer of shares by companies, referred to as initial public offerings in technical parlance, had taken the city by storm.
About a dozen companies have made such offerings and the number of investors is steadily rising. All those who had applied for shares in the OGDC got them for there were more shares than applicants.
Those who missed the chance of making money at the time of the OGDC disinvestment put their faith and money in every IPO that subsequently came along. Since the number of investors shot up from 50,000 to over 400,000, just one in every 10 applicants managed to procure shares in the latest offer by Bank Al-Falah.
Emboldened by the success of his previous venture, our friend applied for no fewer than 17,000 shares, each 1,000-share lot priced at Rs30,000, when Bank Al-Falah was floated on the stock exchange.
Since the offer was ten times oversubscribed, the bank selected successful applicants by ballot. Much to his dismay, our friend failed to obtain a single share of the bank.
He asked a low-ranking colleague, who had borrowed money from a neighbour to apply for 1,000 shares in the bank, if he was successful. Beaming, the colleague nodded.
All heat and no fun
There was a time when crushed ice candy, or "gola-ganda", was one of the most popular summer treats among children and adults alike. Not anymore. The reason is obvious: impure water that goes into making commercially available ice and excessive use of synthetic colours and chemical agents in the syrups and other toppings.
If it weren't for these, there would have been an ice-candy at every street corner in Karachi on hot days like the ones we've been enduring the past week. In the 1960s and 1970s, when the city's water supply was not as polluted as it is today, gola-ganda was quite commonly available.
Of course, you still had to get your parents' permission to have it because ice sold on the street was not always considered safe and the general belief was that it would give you a sore throat.
Then some fancy-looking gola-ganda-wallahs came along, with their carts all decked up and looking immaculately clean. Dhoraji Colony became real gola-ganda land, with carts lining up both sides of the street, offering literally tens of varieties and twice as many toppings to choose from.
Then came slush in the then newly-opened burger joints, which offered gola-ganda from bowls or on plates, sprinkled with fancy syrups and nutty toppings. That was before the ice-cream parlours came to town and became a rage in the 1980s.
But both turned out to be short-lived phenomena. Video games and the video film outlets were partly responsible for their demise as youngsters who filled the ice-cream parlours decided to spend their money on video games or renting a film while picking up ice-cream on the way. The Dhoraji carts have also thinned out for lack of customers.
Frankly, if someone can get the ice bit fixed and the syrups made more hygienically, there is still nothing like a gola-ganda on a sizzling day. It's a shame that many of today's children are growing up without knowing this mouthwatering delight.
By the way, does anyone know that the word "gola-ganda" is actually a corruption of "gola-danda", the latter being an exaggeration for the stick on which the shaved ice is stuck?
Fruit aplenty
The mango season will be over in a month or so, but despair not. The wheelbarrows are full of new offerings, such as succulent lychees. It is actually quite amazing how over the decades enterprising growers have managed to cultivate such a variety of fruit previously strangers to this land.
The development of the mango, and its many exotic varieties, is itself a matter of constant wonderment. In recent years, we have seen strawberries and cherries being farmed and marketed all over the country.
Falsas were found only in Punjab at one time; now Karachi has had an abundance of this marvelously stringent summer berry, which is reputed to keep heat exhaustion away.
In the early years of Pakistan, the banana was a luxury in Karachi; now they virtually rot by the wayside when shopkeepers are unable to sell their lots fully. So, a cheer or two for all those who have contributed to this effulgence.
The state should recognize the efforts of the fruit growers and provide them with the facilities they need. That might help to bring down prices, which in many cases are beyond the reach of the average citizen.
German films
Film buffs were delighted that the Goethe-Institut did not call off the ongoing movie festival last Thursday when the motorcade of the Karachi corps commander was ambushed by a group of armed desperadoes.
Since the festival is being held at the auditorium of the Alliance Francaise, located in the area which was cordoned off by the law-enforcement agencies following the deadly attack, one thought that it would be cancelled, at least for one day, due to security concerns.
But film buffs turned up in their usual strength to watch Echo of the Mountains (The forester of Silberwald). The Goethe-Institut has been screening the German Heimatfilms of the 1950s since June 7. (Heimat means homeland or native region).
According to a Goethe-Institut report, the Heimatfilms, which came to the fore in the 1950s in Germany, feature beautiful landscapes in the mountains, the homely idyll of a village with traditional festivals, colourful dances and costumes, folklore music and, of course, the romantic affair between a Cinderella figure and a prince charming.
The Arts Council of Pakistan is also starting a film festival from Tuesday. It will screen hard-to-come-by titles from Iran, Italy, Spain, China, Korea, France and Russia. One wishes that the Arts Council had coordinated with the Goethe-Institut because the two cultural centres will be screening movies on same days at the same hour.
email: karachi_notebook@hotmail.com.
Zamir Niazi remembered
By HA
KARACHI: Members of the Progressive Writers Association, Irteqa Institute of social sciences and Irteqa Adbi Forum, jointly condoled the death of veteran writer and journalist Zamir Niazi on Friday.
Recalling his services for the promotion of literature and culture, the resolution recorded that late Niazi Saheb was one of the founding members of the National Institute of social sciences and the Irteqa Book Club.
He was a guide and mentor to several such bodies, which were engaged in spreading knowledge and liberal views in the country. Despite his failing health, he continued to compile books and write papers. Baghbanei Sehra, being one such valued book.
The resolution recalled his generous support to the Progressive Writers' Association. When the association, along with many other literary bodies, launched the 'Pen for Peace,' Niazi Saheb read out his inaugural speech and enthralled a large crowd at the Press Club lawns.
Zamir Niazi was a guide to the young people in the spheres of academics, literature, journalism and political science. He would remain alive in our memories, the resolution said.