Dear Auntie, I am a 16-year-old boy doing college first year. I have fallen in love with a 17-year-old family friend who is in the same class as me, but in another city. I have told her that I love her and that I want to marry her; she has also told me that she has the same feelings towards me. We have not told this to anyone in our families.

But what to do now? I am really confused as what to say to my family and also as to when to say it. She says that after university, but that will be after six years and I fear that as she is older, her parents would already have found a partner for her. What to do? Confused fellow

Dear Fellow, Your friend is right. You have to wait, so that both of you get through higher education before you can settle down and marry. If both of you feel as strongly for each other after six years, then you two are meant to be. And if your feelings are as strong as you are saying they are, then your friend will wait for you and overcome any opposition that she may face. If after six years she is unwilling to do that, then perhaps the relationship was not meant to be. I know you feel like your heart will tear apart at the thought of that but that’s a chance that you have to take.

Dear Phupojaani, I am writing with reference to a letter posted in the previous week’s issue. I am not very sure if that other woman is mine, but the resemblance between her and my woman are too much to ignore. The letter was very brief and did not specify a lot of issues, we all know that a girl who has an affair with a married man knowingly has a lot of issues herself and one of the biggest issue my princess had was deception which she used that to get near me. I was in a very unsatisfying marriage as I had compatibility issues with my wife, but that would sound like a stereotypical married man to all the readers. In my case it was true, as my wife had suggested a separation and a second marriage for me herself.

To summarise, I saw the princess and fell in love with her at first sight and could not hide that feeling from her as she also made leaps and bounds to come near me. Somehow we connected instantly, which I later found was due to a common factor (loneliness). I never did hide anything from my wife, even the most intimate details (princess has her number and can verify that). The turning point in our relationship was when the platonic affair turned into a full affair in a weak moment after which I proposed to her, to which she replied that I have to pass the test of time, to prove that this is not a run-of-the-mill office fling which I passed with flying colours. My current wife is very comfortable with the second marriage as long as I provide financially and emotionally for the child. The princess has to compromise also as I have offered a 25: 5 monthly distribution of my time, which is clearly in her favour but she has a history of running away from the relationships when they are near conclusion. I would seek your advice if my proposal is workable in the whole bizarre scheme of things.

The decent guy

Dear Descent, After reading your letter, a thought came to Auntie’s mind: you say your girlfriend is a commitment-phobe, that she has a history of running away from relationships and marriage. Is it then logical to assume that she picked you to have a relationship with, because you were ‘safe’ and married to someone else and would not require a commitment from her? I think this is worth thinking about. Also when you say that the platonic relationship turned into a full-blown affair, the woman decided to put you through the ‘test of time,’ Do you realise that any other single desi woman would have insisted on some kind of a commitment? While one can’t say for sure if this woman will run away, you should pay attention to the signs.

Also you make polygamy sound so easy and good on paper. Most people find that it isn’t as simple as a 25:5 monthly distribution (does that mean 25 months with princess and 5 with first wife? Do you think that is fair?) You usually cannot please everyone and your child may not necessarily understand why his mother and he were treated like an accessory. There is a definitely a sense of unfairness about the ‘bizarre scheme of things’ that you and you princess have cooked up.

If you are getting into this situation, please do it with your eyes open. Understand that people are people. Soutans will get jealous and resentful, no matter how accommodating they may seem otherwise. Children will act up. At times everyone may hate you even if you think you are being fair. And at times the world may seem to make snide remarks about your situation, even though it is none of their business. If you have a skin thick enough to deal with it, by all means, do it.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to auntieagni@gmail.com