Dear Ma'amI have profound appreciation for your help and guidance of estranged and troubled souls, throughout the years and this compelled me to approach you with an issue that has been troubling me for the past month and a half. I am a 22-year-old guy, orphaned at birth, brought up in a church orphanage, graduate, working as a freelance photographer, journalist and creative director and have been dong so for the past two years. My work involves several trips abroad and during one of the said trips last year, I met a lady journalist. We got to talking and within minutes, found out that we have an extraordinary amount of common practices, ideologies, family history, interests, hobbies, etc. Both of us felt a spark and one day, openly admitted it to each other. We decided that there’s no point in procrastination therefore we exchanged marital vows within a month of first meeting. I should mention here that the lady who’s now my wife is 14 years my senior, never married before, is quite successful in her career and all-round perfect wife material! We’ve been happily married for the past 15 months and have found no cause for discomfort until now.
The problem is that she is sterile. We found this out after repeated attempts, consultations with doctors and finally reports have confirmed the suspicions. The news has utterly devastated my wife and has severely damaged the marital bliss that we had been experiencing hitherto. It appears as if she’s abandoned the desire to live…she won’t eat, doesn’t talk, hasn’t worked, hasn’t talked to anyone in ages and steadily refuses to buck up and take control of herself. I have repeatedly tried to talk her out of her misery and to explain the merits of adoption but she just won’t listen or even respond. I have sought medical help but to no avail; her condition worsens each day and it’s tearing me apart to see her in this condition because frankly, I love her to bits and after seeing her situation, am afraid for her life. We have neither parents nor relatives to turn to and the situation is beyond despair now. I sincerely hope and pray that you will be able to offer life-saving advice like you always do and that this mail finds you in the best of health.Thank you,Husband (troubled, torn, lost, broken, sad)
Dear Loving hubby,Infertility can quickly take over your life. It is emotionally stressful and the infertile couple can descend into depression. I don’t know what the doctor has said to you and how final his diagnosis is but research says that 80 per cent of infertile couples can be treated, so you might want to get a few other opinions. And while all that is happening you two can learn to cope with infertility in the following ways. Really start living life again instead of focusing on the infertility. Go watch movies or encourage your wife to hang out with her friends. Encourage her to make a list of things that she used to enjoy doing and support her in doing them again.
Most importantly communicate openly with each other. Maybe you can make the first move by sharing with your wife how you feel. Also understand that there is no right or wrong way to feel and so encourage her to speak up about her feelings. Together the two of you can figure out a way to deal with it. Realise that there’s no right or wrong way to feel. Getting in touch with your feelings will help you know what you need. Once needs are identified, clearly and specifically tell your partner how to help you.Similarly don’t neglect your own needs and tell your partner about it, expecting that she will support you…women are good at that. In case you go for further treatments, share your different experiences and perceptions of the process. Apart from talking to each other about your feelings, the two of you can also write down how you feel. It’s incredibly relaxing and healing to get it out of your system.
In between doctors’ opinions and supporting your wife don’t neglect to take care of yourself. Take care of your body by exercising and your mind by meditating. Encourage your wife to do the same and also book her for maybe a facial or a massage at a beauty salon. It doesn’t need to be too expensive or ultra fancy…just something that will help her relax. Some mind-body techniques can even help you get pregnant.
Dear Auntie,Please help me. My boyfriend and I study in 10th class in the same school. We have been together for three years. I know he loves me a lot but we have broken up just because his mother is not agreeing to our marriage and he thinks that we cannot continue this relationship because it’s no use. He cannot keep me happy so he is making the effort so that I may forget him and start a new life. But I know that I cannot live without him. Please give me some advice so we can be happy again.GF
Dear Darling,Baby, forget being happy, it’s not just his mom who is against the match, it’s also the law. You cannot marry in 10th grade. Period.
But even if you were 30 auntie would say, a man who listens to his mom when she tells him to break up with you is a man asking to be dumped. You can live without him; you just have to learn to respect yourself. Build an altar to yourself, put a garland around it; the unnecessary will just fall away.
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