Shiny, beautiful, exquisite, mysterious, ornamental, expensive and rare — gold has the power to captivate the eye of the beholder and hold it. Diamonds are a woman’s best friend, so is gold. Gold has economic as well as aesthetic and sentimental value. Women in all societies have a special fascination with gold. Wives often measure their husband’s love by the amount of jewellery they buy them on birthdays and anniversaries. Besides providing aesthetic pleasure, gold is a woman’s umbrella for the rainy day due to its resale value. In economic terms, gold has its worth because it is considered a safe form of investment which can withstand inflation.
Gold occupies a central point at weddings as it is often exchanged between the bride and groom’s family and relatives according to the norms of the community. Family heirlooms are preserved and lovingly and reverently transferred from generation to generation on weddings, and strangely, sometimes at funeral. They might be lifeless and ornamental objects themselves but have fascinating stories attached to them.
My maternal grandmother and aunts lost all of their gold jewellery to the two migrations they faced. There are some wonderful reminiscences and a few pictures of chokars, matha pati, champa kalis and bijlis brought for my grandmother, mother and paternal aunts lovingly by their elders on the occasion of their marriages. However, there have also been painful accounts of how women of that particular generation had to give up their gold to save their life and honour when they were attacked on their way to Pakistan.
There has always been a certain risk associated with gold, and today’s age is no exception; in some ways it’s worse as you never know where you might get robbed next; on your way to a wedding, in your neighbourhood, at your kids’ school gate, at your grocer, in your car, rickshaw or public transport, even at your own doorstep and in the sanctuary of your own home.
Shazia, my neighbour, still shudders when she recounts the robbery attempt in her house a few years back. She says: “All my jewellery was gone but I don’t mind because my daughters were spared.” It is next to impossible to buy gold jewellery but to lose your favourite piece, a gift or a family heirloom, having sentimental value, to a robber is even more painful.
Gold’s worth has not changed over the years; in fact, it has increased many fold. Its exorbitant price and the ever present risk of robbery and snatching is forcing people to reassess their attitude and practices surrounding gold. However, some people, particularly those belonging to the lower middle class, still consider exchange of gold jewellery at the time of marriage a matter of face saving and honour. Mrs Hyder, a housewife, reveals, “I didn’t have much gold to give to my three daughters at the time of their wedding and had to undergo a lot of trouble arranging it. We even ran into debt, yet some of the in-laws weren’t happy as they were expecting gold jewellery as personal gifts.”
It is also customary for the brides to receive gold ornaments from the groom’s family in many communities; hence, grooms and their families also come under a lot of financial strain. Shahid, a banker, contemplated: “My fiancée demanded separate gold sets for both the functions — baraat and valima. I could ill afford it at that time, but since it was a love marriage, I couldn’t turn down her only wish. Had she been prudent, we could have spent that money on something better, rather than on something that sits in the bank locker.”
Maliha too married for love and was well aware of her fiancé’s financial situation; hence, she asked him not to buy her the gold set that brides customarily receive in her community. She says that her decision has earned her the respect of her husband and in-laws in the long run. My husband’s family and I also mutually discussed this matter and didn’t exchange gold at the wedding. I wore artificial jewellery and felt light, not to mention safe, at both the functions. However, this was possible only because my in-laws and I respected each other’s wishes and limitations.
A change is possible only if we are willing to change ourselves. Norms and customs have their own value and beauty but some of them have stopped serving their purpose long ago in terms of our changing economic and social realities.
Unrealistic fascination, like that of Midas, can prove to be deadly. Buying gold and then preserving it has become next to impossible these days. It’s about time that we should reassess some of our practices and some objects of our desire, for the sake of our own peace of mind.