It’s Ladies’ Night again, and we ponder over one of life’s great mysteries, huddled together at a café made just for such sessions — where have all the good men gone? Where are they, we muse in sadness as we nurse our non-alcoholic drinks.
We look at each other hopelessly, and draw no answers. We don’t need anyone too rich or too good-looking or too artsy. Just a nice, normal, decent guy. Someone relaxed and fun to talk to, someone we can laugh with. A guy who is with us when he’s with us, a one-woman guy. Are we asking for too much? Is he even out there? Or are we just chasing an illusion? Is this choosiness leaving us with little or no choice? Why are we finding it harder to find the right guy? Is it because, while women were happy to settle down with Mr So-So earlier, now we won’t settle for anything less than Mr Perfect?
Ms Fastidious minces no words. “Marriage is one of the most important decisions of one’s life; I would think we should naturally and rightfully be extremely choosy when making this decision. So obviously we will not say yes to the first guy who comes up. There are certain standards he has to meet.”
“Of course, those standards should be realistic and flexible. Seeking perfection in others is self-defeating. We all need a partner, it’s a natural need, and by being overly fussy we end up cheating ourselves,” Ms Reasonable weighs in.
“That’s true,” Ms Cautious supports her. “If we’re waiting for Mr Perfect, that’s a big mistake. There is no such thing. Other couples may look perfect, but they too have their problems. In waiting for ‘perfection’, we give up on what could be perfect for us...,” she cautions.
“Why we can’t find good men is because we rely too much on the ‘mummy/ aunty’ network, and look what they got for themselves. We can’t rely on others to get something good for us. We need to be more proactive in terms of looking for that right mix of qualities. We need to give ourselves and our potential partners ample opportunities to find each other... join clubs, professional associations, gyms, recreational classes etc…” advises Ms Go Grab ‘Em.
“Women these days know there is more to life than being just wife and mother. Yes, we are independent and well-educated, and I think that can scare some men off, but that’s better than ending up being a caged bird with clipped wings,” states Ms Fem Lib.
“The time has come when we can opt to not have to settle for just anyone, get married off, and stay with him through thick and thin. Too many of us have experienced or witnessed bad marriages. I think we are finally beginning to see beyond the wedding day and realise that far too often it’s the woman who gives up much more than a man ever has to. Marriage isn’t really all it’s cracked up to be for many women,” decides Ms Reality Check.
Ms Cynical takes it a step further: “Men continue to want to get married because at the end of the day, love and all aside, they have a woman who will take care of them and their needs, keep their home, raise their kids while they can more or less carry on as before with a few minor adjustments here and there. No matter how much they claim to support equality, it’s a rare man who really believes it. And I for one do not want such men.”
“Unlike the women of previous generations, we can take our time in choosing our partner, and in all honestly, the longer we take, the more used to our freedom and independence we become. This is good in some ways as we can live, learn, grow, be and do as we want, but it can also then be hard to adjust to living with another person, especially of a different gender,” says Ms Got-a-handle-on-it.
“I guess we are very clear about what kind of man we want now and are not afraid to go out there and look for him. But then men also know what kind of women they want, and unfortunately there aren’t many out there who are open-minded enough to pick strong women like us who do what they want. It’s not just the women who have become choosier, it’s men too,” says Ms Both Sides of the Picture.
“I do realise that single women often feel lonely and that life may seem meaningless without a partner, but I am much better off than many. I have complete freedom without any responsibility. When the right one rings the bell, I will consider it. In the meantime, I continue to live a very independent and successful life,” says Ms Hopeful.
“The only reason why more and more people are single or divorced is because we no longer have any tolerance for each other. We all want a Mr or Miss Perfect,” lectures Ms Morals. “Everyone is looking for trophy wives or husbands, for partners with the right credentials, bank statements and titled jobs worthy enough to flaunt in society. One thing is apparent: fewer and fewer people care for the real person in the deal.”
“It seems like the good guys are taken early... you look around and see a lot of bad samples and you would rather be single than end up in a lousy relationship,” muses Ms Careful.
“Higher expectations...wider choices... nothing to lose!” Ms Brevity puts it in a nutshell.
We wave to a group of guys that’s just walked in and ask them the why of it. Here is a group of men who are getting married, who want to get married…are they looking for less ‘intimidating’ girls? Are independent, successful women like us scaring the guys off? Why can we not find partners who meet our standards?
“So now we have to get ISO certifications?” Single Guy wonders incredulously.
“What difference will all these questions and answers make? If the girls don’t like the guys and vice versa, the result is the same: “Single People”, says Mr Bitter Pill.
“I think only insecure men would get frightened by strong and independent women. The ability to compromise, accommodate and respect each other’s point of views and personality is something that seems to be missing in today’s age which results in break ups and in relationships fizzling out,” says the guy whose answer could land him the title of Mr Perfect.
Mr Elusive explains the mystery of it to us brilliantly. “My lovely friends! I have recently invested in a space telescope; I’m now looking for my perfect partner on Pluto. The answer to your question lies here... men are tired of earthlings, hence they want to explore new worlds, new civilisations, and boldly go where no man has gone before…”