Prime Minister Gilani has created four new ministries – because apparently they’ll make administration more efficient. Where the new ministries, and the divisions they will be looking after, seem very much needed, speculation remains (and for good reason), whether they will actually deliver results or simply end up being yet another unit munching on the tax payer’s money.
The new ministries include the ministry of national heritage and integration, ministry of disaster management, ministry of national regulations and services and ministry of food security and research. Three new federal ministries had also been created in July. Those included the ministry of national harmony (what does that even mean?), ministry of human resources (under)development and ministry of professional and vocation training (hence the increasing suicides of jobless men).
Additions to the list of ministries are not needed – especially when they are often created for political accords. However, the prime minister seems to be on a roll here so I suppose there’s no harm in creating my own ministry wish-list.
The first unit I would like to propose is the introduction of the Ministry of Austerity. This Ministry would ensure that the government and their respected family members do not excessively spend the money of their poor citizens. This includes a check on government spending, government field-trips abroad and the creation of unnecessary monuments and fountains.
The Ministry of Honourary and Authentic Degrees Distribution would come in next. Given the recent uproar created by the honourary PhD degree awarded to Interior Minister Rehman Malik, this Ministry would ensure no such incident ever happens again. This Ministry would also be responsible for background checks when names such as Monticello University pass under its radar.
Ministry of Preserving the Living is also crucial looking at the grim situation today. Instead of spending enormous amounts of money on creating monuments for the deceased or persevering almost-deteriorated ruins, this ministry would work to preserve current assets such as humans, wildlife and natural habitats. The Ministry could also attempt to tackle the tragic trend of suicides by working on increasing employment and welfare benefits. If needed, it could also coordinate with the Education Ministry and find a solution together. In order for them to do this, they could contact the Ministry for Inter-Ministry Communication.
Another crucial division needed is the Ministry of Abolishment of VIP protocol. This Ministry plays a key role in ensuring that traffic flows smoothly and no baby is born in an autorickshaw stuck in a jam due to the movement of a government official. This ministry would also remind politicians that private property remains limited to their house only and much to their dismay, they do not own the whole street. This would mean no more de-tours for a nation constantly put to navigational tests due to VIP blockades. The best part about this unit would be that it would also ensure that most of our police force can get back to protecting the citizens instead of being mere followers of the government’s entourage.
The Ministry of Censorship is also need of the hour. No, I am not asking for the removal of Veena and Meera’s gimmicks, but instead, a check on the embarrassment caused by government officials. Initially it was funny to see Naveed Qamar fast asleep during the National Assembly session but now it is just downright depressing to see and hear our officials hurl furniture and profanities at each other in the assembles. Neither does it surprise us anymore when we get “cool secret footage” of a minister’s guards creating an uproar on the streets and nor do we want to hear what one official said regarding the mistresses of another.
Where the list could continue, I don’t want to sound greedy here. Thus, if you find another ministry that could join the league here, please don’t refrain from adding it to the wish-list.?
The writer is the Deputy Editor at Dawn.com