Dear Auntie,

I need guidance on a serious matter regarding my engagement and family situation. My fiancée is from a less-affluent neighbourhood, and my parents don’t approve of us getting married because of it. When I tried to convince them, my mother became very upset and said she would give me bad-duas [curses], praying that I would never find happiness or peace. This deeply hurt me and left me in tears.

I cannot leave my fiancée because she has invested so much emotionally in this relationship and would be vulnerable without me. Leaving her would shatter her and scar her for life. I know this would forever break my heart and haunt me for the rest of my life. However, my family is also very important to me.

I love her deeply and she gives me far more than I could ever ask for. I don’t see how I can abandon her after everything we’ve built together. However, I also don’t know how to move forward with my family’s opposition.

Please advise me on what I should do in this situation. How can I honour both my family and my commitment to her?

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Your mother’s words were painful. Sometimes, our parents say things in moments of fear and anger that they later regret. Try not to build your future around those words. While a parent’s duas [prayers] are important, so is their ability to forgive with the passage of time.

Your parents’ concern seems to be about your fiancée’s background, and not with her character. While financial circumstances can change over time, a person with a good character and values is much harder to find.

At the same time, you shouldn’t dismiss your parents’ concerns without understanding them fully. Ask them calmly and respectfully what exactly they are worried about. Is it about the finances or the differences in lifestyle? Or are they scared that the families won’t be compatible?

Sometimes what seems to be prejudice is actually fear about practical issues. So, it is worth talking about their concerns and addressing them one by one.

You also write that you cannot leave your fiancée because she has invested everything emotionally in the relationship. I hope that isn’t the only reason you’re staying in this relationship. You should marry her because you believe she is the right life partner for you, and not because you are scared of hurting her. A marriage built on guilt is as undesirable as a marriage built on pressure.

If, after thinking about it, you are still sure that she is the person you want to spend your life with, then stand by that decision respectfully. Don’t force your parents to choose between you and your wife, and don’t put your fiancée in competition with your family.

Keep talking to your elders and keep them involved, because they can genuinely help. Sometimes, families who oppose a marriage before the wedding gradually come around once they see that the couple is happy.

Whatever you do, don’t charge in and attack your parents with anger or ultimatums. Such actions can leave wounds that can take years to heal. So, while a good marriage needs the support of the two families wherever possible, it also needs belief from the two partners. Think this through and choose wisely, ie use both your head and your heart, and then be brave enough to stand by your choice.

Published in Dawn, EOS, July 19th, 2026