Dear Auntie,

I’m a 19-year-old university student. I have a one-year age difference with my sister, which is why she is with me at every institute — school, academy, college and, now, university. My parents always compare her with me as I’m more intelligent than her, which is why she resents me. She also wants my parents to hate me and, as she is older, my parents listen to her.

It has left me feeling insecure because they always listen to her and not me. Every time she gets a chance, she speaks ill of me, taunts me and criticises me, including over my make-up, my looks, my dress sense, my hair, my acne and everything else.

‘My Sister Hates Me And Runs Me Down’

What I really want is for it to not affect me at all, or I want to leave my house and be alone for the rest of my life. However, that is not possible as long as I’m not independent. I will be grateful if you could give me some advice.

Thank you,

Dazzle

Dear Dazzle,

One thing in your letter that stood out was you saying your sister hates you because your parents compare her to you. If that’s true, then the real problem might not actually be you.

Being constantly compared to a sibling can make anyone insecure and competitive. I’m not excusing her behaviour, but it helps explain some of it. Imagine spending years being measured against someone else and always feeling that you don’t measure up. That can make people lash out.

Of course, that doesn’t mean you should accept being criticised about your appearance, hair or acne. Those comments are hurtful and, in most cases, unnecessary. I think the real issue here is that you have started believing what your sister says. Please know that your sister’s comments are not facts. They are the opinions of someone who obviously has her own unresolved frustrations. And honestly, if your make-up, hair, acne and dressing sense were really the problem here, she wouldn’t be mentioning them every day.

While you cannot stop your sister from making these comments, what you can do is stop treating her as someone who has a valid opinion about you. Also, please be careful about assuming that your parents ‘hate you’ or always take her side. Sometimes, when we are hurt, we start seeing everything through that lens. Your parents may be listening to her more than you would like, but that doesn’t mean that they love you any less.

As for you wanting to leave your home and being alone forever, that is coming from your own frustration with the situation. Most people who feel hurt by their families don’t actually want to be alone. Usually, all they want is peace. So, instead of planning how you will distance yourself from them, you should focus on becoming independent. Study hard and work on building your career. This should not be an escape. Instead, it should be the foundation for your future.

In the meantime, try to work on looking at your sister’s comments objectively. Whenever she criticises you or the way you look, remind yourself that that is her opinion and not necessarily the truth.

For now, just focus on your university, which is a place where people first start becoming independent and their own person. This is the place where you will start to be known for who you are and not just as someone’s sister.

Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.
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Published in Dawn, EOS, June 7th, 2026