What if one day we all woke up and decided to be ourselves, fully and honestly? It sounds beautiful, but the more I think about it, the more confusing it feels. Because it’s not easy to be real, to be true at all.

Growth, whether personal or in other aspects of life, usually comes with pain, mistakes and a lot of discomfort. The people who push past that comfort zone do end up discovering more of who they are. But then there’s this strange twist: if everyone did that, whole industries that thrive on our insecurities might collapse.

And that makes me wonder: are we struggling for ourselves, against ourselves, or just for the sake of living life? It feels so contradictory. Why does it have to be this hard?

Struggle shapes who you are

Struggle doesn’t just push you to want change; it actually shapes you into who you’re meant to be. And most of the time, that ends up being your real self, the person you already are underneath it all.

But why is that so frightening? If being yourself is so fulfilling, and if sooner or later everyone reaches a point where they have to live as themselves to move forward or succeed, then why does society spend so much time teaching us the opposite, urging us to follow stereotypes and norms?

We spend so much time trying to fit in that we forget who we really are. This piece is a reminder that growing up isn’t about becoming perfect, it’s about learning how to be yourself

That’s exactly what I thought after walking out of my English paper that day.

The fear of simplicity

“Village life” — that was the essay topic in my English paper. It was such a vague title that it frustrated me. I couldn’t figure out how to tackle something that simple! Deep down, I knew that unless I faced this head-on, I’d never truly be a writer. Success doesn’t come to people who skip the basics. How could I call myself a writer if I couldn’t write about something as simple as village life — in just 300 to 350 words?

The thought mocked me. I could explain Ferdinand Tönnies’ Gemeinschaft and Gesellschaft in that space, but somehow I couldn’t describe a simple village.

Learn to find your voice

So, I avoided such topics, hiding from my weaknesses. But I also knew that if I pushed through the discomfort, I could grow into the kind of writer I wanted to be.

When the graded paper came back, I realised something: I wasn’t writing as myself at all. I was floating somewhere between all the philosophers, poets, authors and statesmen I’d studied. I had been patching their words together because I hadn’t yet developed my own voice. I was like a level 17 human trying to pass as a level 70 writer. I’d spent years impressing people, but not expressing myself.

After trying on so many different masks, I’ve realised they were all useless. Standing at the edge of the real world, all that’s left for me to do now is find my voice, and myself.

Falling behind the system

By the time I reached high school, everyone had caught up. Suddenly, no one else was struggling with their thesis, and I had nothing left that made me stand out.

Everyone seemed so confident, so put together. Their personalities didn’t come from sleepless nights or stress — they came from a system, a system of grades, aptitude tests, and “personality development” workshops we call school.

Did I really think I’d stay ahead forever? People ask me, “How have you done so much and achieved so little?” And honestly, I ask myself the same thing. That’s how the world works. That’s how the system works.

But here’s what I’ve come to believe: success isn’t measured by this world, it’s measured by your soul.

Missed chances and regrets

Sometimes I wonder what I could have written in my personal thesis. All the sports events I skipped, the Royal Society essay I didn’t apply for, the Goi Peace Essay I thought I wasn’t good enough to attempt — each missed chance was another small regret.

When I checked the Goi website recently, I found the competition had been discontinued. Last year was my final chance to apply. I looked through the past winners’ essays, and one line struck me deeply:

“Is there anything extraordinary about writing essays — anything more extraordinary than expressing oneself?”

No, there isn’t. I could feel their souls through the screen. Now, when I look at the school bulletin board, I realise how many opportunities had passed by me, without any effort from me to seize them. Back then, I only needed to act my age — to be myself. So simple, yet I couldn’t do it.

The cost of not being yourself

Out of all the things one can regret, mine is this: I couldn’t be myself. As I step into real life, I don’t fully know who I am or how to be me. No one ever told me this mattered.

So here’s my advice — explore yourself, discover yourself, fight to find who you are and don’t be afraid to be cringe. Nothing else is worth more.

Turn back to basics

When you’re young, you’re in a hurry to grow up. You want to act like an adult and skip the basics — but later, you’ll realise how much you missed. You’ll have to go back, lay down your roots and grow again. That’s when real maturity begins.

Be weird. Be awkward. Be a beginner. Think, try, fail and start again, whether at the same point or somewhere else. The older you get, the harder it becomes to begin new things, because by then your fears multiply far beyond the simple ones of childhood.

Learning to live with yourself

You can only move at your own pace. You can achieve things for your own contentment. Take life one step at a time.

In the end, you’ll have to live with yourself and for that, you must be someone with values, someone who knows the power of their choices. Self-sufficiency is the only thing you’re truly responsible for. So know yourself first. Don’t be afraid. Live in the moment. Step out of your comfort zone. Learn to live with yourself.

Breaking the chrysalis

I see my weaknesses now. They feel like a shell wrapped around my soul — a chrysalis I must break through with effort and struggle. If I don’t, society will do it for me. From now on, I want to stretch my mind and my interests, because I know I have something unique to give this world.

And I want you to do the same. Try, fail and try again, — a hundred times if you must. It’s worth it. Failing a hundred times early is better than failing late.

Picasso once said, “It took me four years to paint like Raphael, but a lifetime to paint like a child.” He was right. You might spend your teenage years figuring out who you are, but you’ll spend your whole life trying to live with the freedom and wonder of a child.

What village life teaches us

When you really think about life, you start to understand why adults say their days were better, or why movies show people chasing predictable routines. Life looks different for everyone. But add the word “village” before it, and suddenly everyone imagines something specific.

The village is often shown in stories as a place of purity, authenticity and fulfilment. Think of the story where a rich father takes his son to a village, hoping he’ll learn to value their wealth. But the boy says, “Thank you for showing me how poor we are.”

That single line holds a truth: the gap between rural and urban life has grown so wide that city dwellers now “escape” to the countryside just to feel alive again.

But the real divide isn’t between rural and urban, it’s between people who choose growth and those who stay apathetic. You can live by “village” values in the city, and by “urban” values in the village.

So, the heart of the matter isn’t about any place, it’s about our values. In today’s world, success means being able to balance both. Resisting that is resisting growth.

Who you want to be, in the end, is your choice.

So, choose to be yourself.

Published in Dawn, Young World, November 8th, 2025