Marriage is a blessing. But with equal certainty one may assert that it is a curse. I would be safe to say in our socio-cultural context it’s both. Marriage is a blessing in the sense that it creates a socially accepted space for man and woman to live in intimacy and ensures the survival of human species by raising family i.e. producing children. It’s a curse because it generally reduces the family into sorts of private limited company obsessed with safeguarding and increasing its assets through all means, fair and foul.
Man-woman relationship in the process turns imperceptibly into an enterprise more concerned with its private loss and gain than with human bond based on love. In other words the truth of ‘marriages are made in heaven’ is condemned to be tested on earth where things have been topsy-turvy since time immemorial. And they have become more so in recent times due to consumer market intrusions and profit-driven technological interventions in social life which have replaced the individual and collective spontaneous creativity to do things by ready-made solutions resulting in human impoverishment. Dwindling of creative impulse can be seen in a stark clarity in our contemporary marriage rituals which though flotsam of the past, are intended to celebrate the present of bride and bride-groom, and possibly the days ahead of them.
Take ‘Mehendi’, one of the elaborate marriage rituals that spread over weeks if not months, to know how it is managed and celebrated currently by middle and upper-middle classes in our urban centres. Mehendi (Henna), traditionally a pre-wedding ceremony, is held to apply henna to the would-be bride and groom.
It is considered to be a ‘Shagun’, a good omen for the beginning of married life. It also symbolises the matrimonial bond and couple’s happiness. The mehendi is applied to the hands and feet of the bride in beautiful patterns to make her look prettier. For the groom it is enough to have a token application of it on his hands. The ceremony has symbolic as well as functional value. There are a number of popular beliefs. Mehendi symbolically represents fertility; the rock-bed of marriage. The longer the colour of it stays the more auspicious it is for the conjugal life of the new couple. The dark colour of it on the hands and feet hints at the passionate and enduring love between the newly-wed.
Mehendi’s reddish colour also carries erotic connotations if seen in the context of spectrum of colours that has high visibility at wedding. Traditional bridal dress is invariably of red colour. Red colour evokes the images of blood and menstruation. The former shows what sustains human life and the latter points to the source of human life, the ability to procreate.
Family members, relatives and friends gather on the occasion that makes Mehendi a memorable event full of fun. Apart from the application of henna, the pleasurably thrilling aspect of the ceremony is singing and dancing with no holds barred by all and sundry. The recent changes in the ritual need to be studied and analysed in our fast changing socio-cultural landscape triggered by modern urban living and penetration of global culture of consumerism. In the not so distant past henna was applied to would-be bride and groom by the women of family which was invariably large and extended. This renewed the sense of relationship between the would-be couple and their clan. Sense of togetherness would strengthen the human bond. Now the so-called professional ‘mehendi wala’ has made his/her way into the family who treats the whole thing as commercial activity which is impersonal and detached, lacking in emotion and involvement.
In old times the folks, especially the women, would sing and dance in a burst of spontaneous feelings urged by the prospect of happy future life of young bride and groom. They would sing traditional marriage songs, joyful and erotic, led by ‘Mirasan’ (woman of traditional musician’s family). Incessant rhythm of Dholak (a small drum) would keep them going. At the spur of the moment they would make fresh verses and songs about the bride, groom, family members and in-laws, and make everybody sing and dance with their provocatively ‘joyful noise’. The crescendo would create an ambiance that showed that everyone could be a poet, singer and dancer at least for a moment filled with high intensity. The whole spectacle would hint at the creative potential that all human beings innately were endowed with.
And now what we see at the Mehendi ceremony is nothing less than cultural impoverishment and intellectual bankruptcy expressed by visibly diminished creative potential of individual. Instead of live singing and spontaneous dancing, we are condemned to hear the noise of film songs which have little more to offer than banal tunes and vulgar verses. A few youngster gyrate and rest of the guests sit like sardines packed in a tin. Music and dance at Mehendi are mostly poorly conceived and awkwardly executed event which proves even less than mundane nothingness.
No doubt culture is not something static. It’s rather a process that brings about transformation in a contested space. But the nature of transformation has to be understood in the context of human empowerment. If transformation, instead of enriching human beings, impoverishes them, it needs to be resisted in the interest of individual and society.
Published in Dawn, December 25th, 2015