Traditionally a mother-daughter relationship is often fraught with tension thanks to the emotional baggage accumulated over years of hurt feelings and misunderstandings. However, with time, this love/hate relationship has mellowed into something approaching friendship and camaraderie, as women now have embraced the importance of taking out time for themselves and bonding with their daughters on an equal footing.
The media may have played a role in bringing about this change, so perhaps, has the consumer-driven society, but it has been a positive change for mothers who now have a common ground where they can spend time with their daughters.
S, a medical student, says, “I agree the relationship has changed but for the better. Going to the salon or for a cup of coffee is a new way of bonding and of getting closer to each other.”
In this generation, mothers and daughters have more in common than ever. They share clothes, secrets, bags and sometimes, careers. Thanks to a rising trend for fitness mothers can match their daughters stride for stride, even in the looks department. For some daughters, this may be a problem. S disagrees, “No mother will ever compete with her daughter or try to show her up,” she believes. However F, another young doctor, recalls, “My mum had me when she was 19 and my relationship with her was terribly strained all through my teens. It sounds silly but it was a huge issue for me — she was gorgeous and I was ugly. All my guy friends found her attractive and even the family always made comparisons between us.”
However, things have changed for the better and F, now 28, admits to enjoying quality time with her mother, “Our joint salon trip is much awaited, I borrow her saris, do her makeup. None of this would have been possible as a surly teenager who was hostile because “ammi aap ne mujhe apna rang or shakal nai di to bhai ko kyun di?”
Uzma, mother of a 24-year-old daughter says, “My daughter and I are mother/ daughter, sisters, friends; we discuss everything under the sun. There is no competition between us; her friends spend time with me as well and she joins us when my friends come over. I cannot understand what leads to issues between mothers and daughters.”
Sometimes issues arise when the mother is very close in age to her daughter and emotionally not very mature. In such cases, a mother may raise the daughter more like a sister and then they go on to compete like sisters. But with age, such issues generally dissolve.
One of the best gifts of growing up is to discover that your mother is a person in her own right; someone who can be your buddy if only both of you can step away from the petty problems of the past and acknowledge each other as adult individuals. This Mother’s Day may be a good time to see if your mom can be your new best friend.