Looking down memory lane, I can easily see myself sitting on my kindergarten teacher’s lap, crying and complaining of stomachache. I can also see my cousin throwing up in the car on the first day of school as well as my little son bawling in school while being dragged to class by his teacher.
These small incidents usually take place in every school-going child’s life as many young children around the age of two to five years experience normal separation anxiety and can therefore be upset or clingy. However, these little fears have a tendency to become big monsters that keep little ones awake at night and bring enormous tears to terrified eyes in the mornings.
If the anxiety lingers longer, it indicates a much more serious concern. These children have developed a long-term fear of going to school. This condition may be called school avoidance, school phobia or school refusal. It can be very stressful and painful for the child as well as for the parents as school phobia can severely disrupt school work and normal life.
Usually such children are emotionally insecure or very sensitive and being the only child in a family or maybe the youngest one can further aggravate the matter. They may easily withdraw and become very quiet at a single harsh word from the teacher or after the smallest of fights with the child sitting next to them.
Parents can also sometimes be over protective, solving their child’s every little problem and caressing every little graze that when the child is a part of an environment where one teacher attends to many children he or she finds it difficult to adapt. Changes at home including a move, divorce or death can also be upsetting for the child subconsciously. Bullying by classmates or peers can also be a valid reason for wanting to avoid school. This generally happens with those children who are too shy, polite or meek. Fear of a strict teacher or poor academic skills can all be contributing factors leading to the problem.
If there is a problem it will naturally show itself. This can be in the form of tantrums, irrational fears/excessive fear of being alone, difficulty in sleeping or frequent nightmares as well as outright refusal to go to school.
Identifying a problem is the first step in order to find a solution to it. You need to know whether the child is resisting school for a specific reason or just being naughty. Second, it needs to be determined if the problem is linked to poor academic skills or learning difficulties. Removing them is a step towards problem solving. Third, finding and eradicating the real threats, such as bullying will help also. Fourth, help the child develop friendships in school. You should also see to it that the school offers opportunities of engaging in some activity that the child enjoys.
Phobias can be a red flag, a way for the mind to recognise that there is a need for repair and change. Don’t let your child bottle up stress and emotions. Talk to your child in order to understand what is really wrong.
Eyes are mirrors of the soul. They will tell you all you need to know and if the sparkle in them is replaced with glistening tears just know that something is amiss and then it is up to you how you bring back the rainbow on the horizon of your child’s little world.
The writer is a teacher.