Salam Auntie,
I am a teenage girl in a relationship with a guy, who is really caring and sweet. It all started with a friendship and then it grew up and became a relationship. Honestly, he treats me well, even if some bad things happen and we fight, he says sorry without me telling him that I am hurt. The problem is that my mother does not want me to talk to him, because we can’t get engaged or married as we are too young and I don’t know which way to go. He was with me in my school, but then we didn’t know each other so well. I just knew that he is not a bad person, because of his good reputation in front of the teachers.

Our relationship properly started afterwards on social networks and he says that everything just went so naturally that now I am an integral part of his life.

We both have trusted each other with our lives, but I don’t know which way to choose. I am having a hard time and I really need good advice.
Double-minded

Dear Perplexed,
Your teenage years are about getting to know yourself, as separate from your family and your friends. If you get involved with someone at this stage, you will just end up having a tougher time figuring out who you really are. Your mom is right when she says you are too young. This is the time to hang out with your friends and work hard in school. What is this rush to settle down with someone? You have your whole life to do that.

Don’t jump into a relationship just because you don’t want to be alone. In fact, all of us should learn to be happy while we are single, because only then can we be happy in a couple. The very fact that you are questioning this commitment tells Auntie that you are definitely not ready for a super-serious relationship. So pay heed to that nagging doubt.

You might want to write down your thoughts and your inner conflicts regarding this relationship in order to become really clear about what you really want at this point in time. It is time to speak to this boy and tell him honestly that you have seriously conflicting thoughts about this relationship and that if you take it to the next level in this state of mind you will just be setting him and yourself up for an emotional disaster.

It is clear that this boy is very important to you and that is one of the strongest reasons why you should be honest with him. Your doubts are there for a reason. Deep down you know that something is not right with this relationship. To break up will hurt, but at this point in your life, it will be the right thing to do.

Dear Auntie,
I did very badly in my final exams and I got a very bad result. Now my school principal is saying that I have to repeat my grade. I am in grade XIII and I don’t want to repeat the year. How can I talk to my parents about this? They are so mad at me already. Please help me.

I don’t want to come to school next year and have friends that are one step ahead of me. I don’t want to feel like a failure.
Failure

Dear Try-try-again,
I am assuming that you and the principal have tried to explore all your options such as re-sitting the exams before the next academic year starts and getting tuitions during the summer, before finally deciding that repeating a grade is the only option left for you. If you have not told your parents, please pull all your strength and tell them. Once they are over their anger, they could help you seek a solution by speaking on your behalf with the principal and may be able to persuade him or her more assertively about exploring other options for you.

In case, you have to repeat the grade, accept your sadness and anger about the situation. Much of your stress about the situation stems from the fact that all your friends will be moving ahead without you. Pick an understanding parent, friend and relative to talk about the situation and share your feelings with them.

If you are feeling embarrassed about repeating a year and think that people will be talking behind your back, please understand that your feelings are normal. Things may get worse if someone teases you about repeating a year. Think about what you would say if someone teases you or asks too many questions about your situation. You could say something on the lines of ‘I needed to improve my understanding of the course. It’s not a huge deal and you really should not be worrying about it’. This situation is no one’s business, but yours. If someone starts bullying you, make sure you go tell a parent, a teacher or some other adult who can help you.

Also for next year, if you are struggling with your schoolwork, tell your parent or teacher right away instead of letting problems fester. Try and deal with the problem as it happens, if it happens, instead of waiting for things to become easier. Also try and get into a habit of studying consistently every day. Even revising what you learn in school on a daily basis at home, can go a long way in helping you prepare for tests that suddenly seem to come up. You can do it!

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to auntieagni@gmail.com