With weddings, social occasions and even going shopping with their marriageable daughters, Pakistanis are not shy when it comes to being upfront about finding a rishta.
However, there seems to be a dearth of decent matches made, complain many parents.
Trying to fill this gap are the online matrimonial sites which are helping many families find good matches for their loved ones. With Shadi.com and Naseeb.com being the leading matrimonial website aimed at desis, local websites including Mehndi.com and Pakrishta.com are flourishing too. The aim of all these websites is singular: to help you find a suitable life partner.
Unlike the internet romances once popularised by ICQ, AOL, Orkut and now Facebook, that are often ridiculed, the matrimonial websites stay away from the ‘hooking up’ culture. With in-depth profiles highlighting the qualities of a man or a woman, a visit to the sites for many is like being a kid in a candy store.
“There are hundred of matches to choose from. You can set your preferences and filter out the ones you don’t want to see—tall, dark, handsome, IT professional, earning in dollars—whatever you fancy there sure is a match like that out there in the cybersphere,” says Munib whose sister and a cousin both got married after they signed up with such a website.
“Finding decent matches is a big issue for us middle class folks. My sister and cousin were in their late 20s and that’s when the professional match makers started coming up with older widowers. Although I was slightly apprehensive of the idea of placing my sister’s pictures online along with the profile but I am glad I went ahead,” he says.
For a nominal amount of Rs3,000 that is the membership fee, Munib managed to review profiles of over 50 matches and finally cut through the list. “Both the girls got married last year and so far we have found no reason to complain."
However, for some, the experience has proved to be pretty traumatising. “When I created a profile for my sister and myself on a matrimonial website it was out of sheer goodwill,” says Salman, “Within days my inbox was flooded with messages from all sorts of people. After some looking into, I met the woman I am now married to.” However, thing were altogether different in Salman’s sister’s case. Rarely did one turn out to be what he claimed, and men who said they were in their late 20s were actually in their 40s.
“A lot of them were interested in only going out ‘to find out more’,” says Salman, anger seeped in his voice. As he still awaits a decent proposal for his sister, he urges families to look carefully when it comes to men’s profiles posted on the matrimonial websites.
“Internet has always been a liar’s best friend. Be careful and conduct a background check on anyone you find interesting,” he added.
For many, the stigma of matrimonial sites prevents them from talking about it. “We signed up and placed our daughter’s profile on a marriage website as we had difficulty in finding a suitable boy. We did come across some decent matches but I am a bit hesitant in telling my family as they will think in a negative manner about doing so,” said Mrs. Ali.
She, too, agrees that like traditional match makers, the websites offer great help but “at the end of the day, whether a match is found online or through a marriage bureau, be very careful and vet the person because it’s easier to dupe people.”
Online matrimonials are just as popular among young Pakistani expatriates especially those who do not consider arranged marriage an option, and yet are looking for a spouse from a similar cultural and religious background. Ali, a Pakistani American is one such example who found his partner at such a website.
“When I came across Sausan’s profile on a matrimonial website, I was impressed. Living in the US, it’s very difficult to find girls who would want to go the traditional way when it comes to settling down. My mother was after my life to get me married and she placed my profile on the website,” he says.
Despite the initial shock of receiving over a 100 messages every day from Muslim women, Ali finally decided that meeting them in person would be a better idea. “I practically had to speed date and did come across characters who were actually using the website for wrong reasons. But finally I came across Sausan’s profile. We had plenty of mutual interests and during the initial exchange of messages she seemed okay with my trips to the Islamic centre. Once I met her, I realised that she is the person I wanted to be with.”
Ali insists that matrimonial sites are an excellent way of meeting people, but cautions that one should take the final call only after meeting the person. “Look behind the veneer of Photoshop and interact with the person to find out if they are what they claim to be. Many a time, parents put up profiles that reflect their tastes rather than their children’s, and that’s a big problem.Also, be careful of the people who insist on buying them credit (true for Pakistani matrimonial sites) and give them a miss.”