Dear Auntie,
I am a 20-year-old woman and I don’t want to get married because, from what I see, marriage often turns women into servants, stripping them of their freedom.

Whenever I express this to my parents, they react with curses and show me frightening hadiths [Quranic verses] about not marrying, which has pushed me away from Islam. I feel content and complete on my own, but the pressure and fear-mongering around marriage make me question my faith. To me, marriage seems like a loss of liberty rather than a fulfilling partnership.
Fearful 

‘Parental Pressure to Marry is Driving Me Away from Religion’

Dear Fearful,
What you’re witnessing — marriages that strip women of agency — is a distortion of your faith. I urge you to seek knowledge about Islam’s true teachings on women and marriage.

Unfortunately, regressive cultural norms often overshadow religion. Once you’re armed with real knowledge about women in Islam, you’ll be able to respond to your parents when they cite what sound like unsettling hadiths. Gently remind them that Islam itself upholds a woman’s right to reject a proposal.

The whole ‘women reduced to servants’ scenario that you are seeing is a product of patriarchal culture, not religion. Tradition often hijacks faith to justify control.

The whole ‘women reduced to servants’ scenario that you are seeing is a product of patriarchal culture, not religion. Tradition often hijacks faith to justify control.

That said, I encourage you not to dismiss marriage entirely. Keep an open mind. Ask yourself: What would a true partnership look like? A husband who respects your career, shares responsibilities and champions your growth? No union is perfect but today, more than ever, it’s possible to forge equitable bonds.  

Try to understand your parents’ fears, too. In Pakistan’s context, marriage is often seen as a safety net. Their anger likely stems from love and concern for your future. So, consider involving a trusted relative, teacher or mentor, who understands your perspective, to mediate between your parents and you.

At the same time, work on building independence. Whether through studies, freelancing or learning new skills, and prioritise financial freedom. It is the only way to be in control of your life’s choices. 

For now, buy yourself time. Tell your parents you’ll consider proposals after completing your postgraduate studies. Use this period to grow and reflect on your goals.  

The road ahead may feel lonely, but you’re not walking it alone. You are a part of a quiet revolution of desi women rewriting their stories. All power to you.

Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, March 2nd, 2025