Dear Auntie,
I hope you’re well. I am a 26-year-old man from a Pashtun family, with a degree in political science that I completed two years ago. I’ve aspired to secure a lecturer position and have attempted to apply several times, but my study habits have held me back from making meaningful progress.

Recently, I married my cousin. While it’s been a joyous change, balancing my responsibilities has made it difficult to stay focused on my studies.

In order to support my family, I’ve started a business. However, I’m finding it challenging to expand it as much as I’d like. My wife is a university student and managing her educational expenses alongside other responsibilities has created financial pressures. I’d be grateful for any advice on how to navigate these demands and establish a stable foundation for our future.
Pulled in Different Directions

‘I’m Struggling to Balance Career, Finances and Family’

Dear Pulled in Different Directions,
You’ve got a lot on your plate and it sounds like you’re trying to do right by everyone — your ambitions, your family, your wife and your financial responsibilities. That’s commendable, but it also explains why you’re feeling stuck. You’re being pulled in multiple directions and something’s got to give.

If you’re serious about becoming a lecturer, then you need to get your study habits in order. There’s no shortcut to this. If you’ve struggled with focus in the past, you’ll have to be intentional about creating a routine that works.

It’s not about waiting for motivation to strike — it’s about sitting down every day and doing the work, whether you feel like it or not. Yes, it is boring, but it is the only way to persist. If your business is taking up too much of your time, then be honest about whether you can manage both, or if you need to set clearer boundaries.

The business is another major piece of the puzzle. If it’s not growing the way you want, have you figured out why? Are you spreading yourself too thin? Do you need to rethink your strategy? Businesses don’t expand just because you want them to. They need time, effort and the right decisions.

If you’re doing too many things at once, nothing is going to get the attention it needs to actually succeed. Also, your wife is an educated woman, so perhaps, she can help you out in some way with attending to the business.

Thankfully, your marriage sounds like a positive change and that’s something to be grateful for. But it also comes with responsibilities and financial stress can take a toll on any relationship. If your wife is still studying, that’s another layer of pressure, but it’s also temporary. The two of you need to be on the same page about your goals, your finances and what sacrifices you’re willing to make now for the future you want. 

You’re not in an easy situation, but you’re also not powerless. The key is to stop trying to do everything at once and start prioritising. Decide what needs your immediate focus, make a plan and stick to it. The more you try to juggle everything, the less progress you’ll make.

Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, February 2nd, 2025