Change is constant

Published January 25, 2025
The writer is author of Pakistan: In Between Extremism and Peace.
The writer is author of Pakistan: In Between Extremism and Peace.

WHILE at home, despite the presence of family members, I often feel that technology and evolving values have pushed us psychologically far apart. This realisation has motivated me to reflect on and share my thoughts. ‘Changed family values’ can be defined as a transition from traditional understandings of family structures, roles, or norms to newer paradigms. These shifts are often driven by sociocultural and economic factors.

Historically, families were the cornerstone of tribal and feudal societies, but contemporary trends, particularly social media, improved literacy, commercialism, and rights movements, have altered familial roles and relationships.

In today’s age of technological innovation and materialism, families face the challenge of transmitting core values to the next generation. Interestingly, within a single generation, rapid changes and innovations have reshaped family dynamics.

For instance, in traditional societies, mar­­riage was a strong institution, but evo­lving realities have weakened its traditio­nal foundations. Youth now challenge arra­n­ged marriages, hierarchical family struc­­tures, and collective decision-making, leading to changed expectations and obligations.

Whether we embrace it or not, time and values will change.

Take the example of how wives used to address their husbands. Avoiding direct use of their husband’s name was a gesture of respect. Today, many not only address their husbands by name but also use nicknames, signalling a shift where love and familiarity often override traditional notions of respect.

Changing values have also encouraged women to prioritise careers and personal development, resulting in delayed marria­ges. Increased access to education and professional opportunities have led to a rise in love marriages and a growing acceptance of divorce. Marriage, once seen as a union be­­tween two families, is now increasingly perceived as a partnership between two individuals, reducing parental involvement.

Online platforms like Match.com have revolutionised matchmaking. These servi­c­­es connect individuals based on shared int­erests and preferences, bypassing the need for traditional face-to-face interactions.

Similarly, relationship counselling services have become more accessible, helping couples navigate challenges related to communication, parenting, and other familial issues.

Social media has further educated wom­en about inheritance rights, often leading to conflicts within families. It has also facilitated divorce processes, making them less cumbersome. Although divorce remains a painful reality, the accessibility of online legal resources provides much-needed support to those navigating this process.

Globalisation and the media have introduced values centred on individualism and personal freedom, often at odds with traditional family norms. Collective traditions are increasingly supplanted by personal ambitions and economic considerations.

Additionally, poverty and economic constraints strain relationships, weakening the joint family system, giving rise to nuclear families. Migration, whether for education or employment, further disrupts familial bonds, often leaving families emotionally and physically distant.

Urbanisation has compounded these issues. Extended family structures, which historically provided financial and emotional support, are rapidly shrinking.

The nuclear family model has limited collective responsibility, creating challen­g­­es in parenting and altering traditional fa­­mily roles. The decline of religious adhere­n­­ce has also played a role in weakening fa­­­mily structures, as teachings that emphasise respect for eld­ers and strong family ties lose influence.

Pakistanis are tr-ansitioning from tri­bal to rural and ru­­ral to urban soci­­et-

ies. Migration, dri­ven by limited educational and econ­o­mic opportunities, has spurred rapid urbanisation and the proliferation of slums. These demographic shifts have eroded traditional family structures, with joint families increasingly replaced by nuclear ones.

Economic constraints compel both parents to work, leaving less time for family in­­teractions. Materialism further undermi­nes respect, loyalty, and emotional bonding. In an era of growing inflation, breadwinners struggle to support their families, often leaving dependents in villages. This se­­paration leads to emotional strain and com­promises in child upbringing. Uneduca­ted, purdah-observing mothers find it particularly challenging to fulfil their obligations in such circumstances. Activities that once strengthened family bonds are now rare in urban life.

Whether we embrace it or not, time and values will inevitably change. The real challenge lies in striking a balance between preserving traditional values and adapting to healthy new norms. Achieving this balance is far from simple; it requires lifelong reflection and effort.

The writer is author of Pakistan: In Between Extremism and Peace.

X: @alibabakhel

Published in Dawn, January 25th, 2025

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