Dear Auntie,
I have heard a lot of good things about you, and that is the reason I am writing to you. My mom has had trust issues with me from the very start. She is always suspicious and thinks I am in contact with boys in one way or another. She once caught me talking to one and has banned me from using my phone altogether. She has said I will never get a phone in my entire life. This makes me feel very sad and left out, as all my friends are on social media. Please guide me on this issue. How can I rebuild my trust with her?
Sad and Distressed

Dear Sad and Distressed,
It is tough when there is a lack of trust between parents and their children, and it can be a challenging situation to navigate. Start the process of building trust with your mother by having an honest and calm conversation with her. Let her know that you understand her concerns and try to see things from her point of view.

‘My mom won’t let me have a phone’

Discuss and agree on boundaries for phone and internet usage. Explain how you plan to use your phone responsibly and safely. Offer to have her monitor your activities for a while as a way to rebuild trust. Hopefully, that will help you get a phone. Once you have discussed boundaries and rules, make sure you follow through with them consistently. Show your mom that you can be responsible and trustworthy.

If your mom still insists on not allowing you to have a phone, respect her decision for the time being. It is essential to show her that you can be patient and mature in handling the situation.

Trust is not built overnight. It takes time and consistent effort. Continue to demonstrate your trustworthiness through your actions, honesty and responsibility.

If the situation doesn’t improve despite your efforts, consider involving a trusted family member or another adult who can help mediate the conversation between you and your mom. At the same time, take on more responsibilities at home or in your studies to show your mom that you are growing and becoming more responsible.

Trust is not built overnight. It takes time and consistent effort. Continue to demonstrate your trustworthiness through your actions, honesty and responsibility.

While you may not have your phone, try to stay connected with your friends through other means, such as socialising in person or using a personal computer, if it is allowed.

If you’re struggling with the emotional impact of this situation, consider talking to a school counsellor or therapist, who can provide guidance and support.

Remember that rebuilding trust is a process, and it may take some time. Be patient, understanding and willing to work together with your mom to improve your relationship and rebuild trust. Ultimately, your actions will speak louder than your words, so focus on demonstrating your maturity and responsibility.

I hope this helps, and I wish you the best of luck in improving your relationship with your mom.

Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, September 17th, 2023