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Malala shares why she was 'cautious' about marriage in the past

Malala shares why she was 'cautious' about marriage in the past

While the Nobel laureate wasn't against the institution of marriage, its 'patriarchal roots' troubled her enough to question it.
12 Nov, 2021

Nobel laureate Malala Yousafzai recently revealed the reason for her cautiousness towards the institution of marriage and how her best friend — and now partner — Asser Malik made it seem more fulfilling than she thought it would be.

In an essay for British Vogue, the 24-year-old shared why she was hesitant about the notion of marriage and how her 'best friend' helped her embrace it. For her, her hesitancy never stemmed from being against the institution entirely. Rather it was its 'patriarchal roots' that made her question it. "I questioned the patriarchal roots of the institution, the compromises women are expected to make after the wedding, and how laws regarding relationships are influenced by cultural norms and misogyny in many corners of the world. I feared losing my humanity, my independence, my womanhood — my solution was to avoid getting married at all."

Malala's fears in relation to marriage were reinforced by the experiences of women around her. "Many girls I grew up with were married even before they had the opportunity to decide on a career for themselves," she said. "One friend had a child when she was just 14 years old. Some girls dropped out of education because their families could not afford to send them to school; some started school but didn’t do well enough to meet their families’ expectations. Their parents decided their education was not worth the cost. For these girls, marriage means their lives are deemed a failure. They’re still school-age, but they already know they’ll never get the chance to achieve their dreams."

In an interview to British Vogue in June, the Nobel laureate had admitted that marriage might not be for her. She expanded on this thought in her essay and said that she'd responded like she had "so many times before". "Knowing the dark reality many of my sisters face, I found it hard to think of the concept of marriage. I said what I had so often said before – that maybe it was possible that marriage was not for me."

She doesn't believe the institution of marriage is a lost cause though, a belief that was strengthened by the help of friends, mentors and now partner Malik. "With education, awareness and empowerment, we can start to redefine the concept of marriage and the structure of relationships, along with many other social norms and practices," she wrote. "Culture is made by people — and people can change it too. My conversations with my friends, mentors and my now partner Asser helped me consider how I could have a relationship — a marriage — and remain true to my values of equality, fairness and integrity.

Malala also dished out the details on how she met her partner in marriage in the summer of 2018. "Asser was visiting friends at Oxford and we crossed paths," she wrote. "He worked in cricket, so I immediately had a lot to discuss with him. He liked my sense of humour. We became best friends. We found we had common values and enjoyed each other’s company. We stood by each other in moments of happiness and disappointment. Through our individual ups and downs, we talked and listened to each other. And when words failed, I sent him a link to our horoscope compatibility, hoping the stars could help reinforce our connection."

She says she found her best and companion in Malik. "I still don’t have all the answers for the challenges facing women — but I believe that I can enjoy friendship, love and equality in marriage. So, on Tuesday, November 9, we celebrated our nikkah at home with our families and closest friends in Birmingham.

"It was a small affair and group effort. My mother and her friend got my wedding clothes from Lahore, Pakistan. Asser’s mother and sister gave me the jewellery I wore. My father booked the food and decorations. My assistants organised photographers and a make-up artist. My three best girlfriends from school and Oxford took off work and travelled to be there. I put henna on my hands myself, after discovering I was the only one of my family and friends who had the talent! Asser spent several hours in the mall with me the day before the ceremony, buying his pink tie and pocket square and my sandals. My little brothers even wore suits."

Comments

M. Emad Nov 12, 2021 06:24pm
Confused girl.
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M. Emad Nov 12, 2021 06:27pm
Is it a 'Cousin Marriage' ?
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shaan Nov 12, 2021 06:38pm
Malala has started marching in the right direction, may she continue following her journey to real happiness along with her husband to fulfil her dreams and never deviating from the faith to which they both belong. best wishes.
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NoVoice Nov 12, 2021 06:44pm
Malala and IK have a lot in common. They became famous for another valid reason, but their celebrity status made them think their opinion on everything else matters or is even correct.
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well-wisher Nov 12, 2021 06:49pm
Malala and Asser, be happy in marriage and keep life simple. Best of Bests.
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Waheed UK Nov 12, 2021 07:06pm
There is no limit to understanding and knowledge and the future is full of surprises, mysteries, awakenings and identity crises and to bridge the gap between the incompatibles. Trying to please various ideologies and interests is quite challenging and will have an impact on intimate and personal relationships . . despite vigorous efforts and planning, the nature cannot be controlled by anyone. She is following a well trodden path by the Western trained and Pakistani elite with all its inconsistencies,controversies and thirst for power at the expense of their soul ,true identity and tranquility. This is a huge step into the unknown..... will they survive ....let’s wait and see. In the meantime wish them good luck because they will need it !!
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M. Saeed Nov 12, 2021 07:06pm
Nobel does not change the genes. Malala remains Malala after all the hustle and bustle of life.
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Yousufzai Nov 12, 2021 07:24pm
Wishing you all the best in your new phase of life.
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Talwar Khan Nov 12, 2021 07:26pm
Because she was enjoying British hospitality at Oxford and beyond which she hinted at in her partnership quote. Icons are created to be perfection, but are mere humans with human flaws.
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Sudhakar Nov 12, 2021 07:54pm
Very impressive young lady, so grounded and humble despite the trauma she has experienced. Hope she finally gets the happiness she so rightfully deserves.
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Non Pushtoon Pakistani Nov 12, 2021 08:06pm
Malala should stop becoming an expert on whole Pakistani culture. You are representing Pushtoon culture first and that is way more patriarchal than any other culture of Pakistan. Situation is different in Punjabi, Sindhi and Urdu soeaking cultures. A girl cannot imagine to question the decision of her parents in General Pushtoon culture but atleast in Punjab it is common that girls say No to rishtas frequently.
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Jaredlee007 Nov 12, 2021 08:09pm
Malala sounds confused. All the best to her for a new phase of life.
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Patriot Nov 12, 2021 08:25pm
Wishing Malala and Asser a beautiful , fulfilling and long life together ...
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Maria Nov 12, 2021 08:40pm
I loved the dress it’s such a nice colour , she really made a sweet bride. Best wishes for a happy future. I hope you are blessed with a wonderful life together ! There comes a point in life when you realise that nobody, absolutely nobody has all the answers!
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Hyder Nov 12, 2021 09:19pm
Her aim is pakistan politics.
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Chrís Dăn Nov 12, 2021 11:47pm
Beautiful and sensitive thoughts of a very intelligent lady-our Nobel Laureate winner Lady:))
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HashBrown® Nov 13, 2021 12:18am
It's a shame that she felt the need to explain her opinion, her personal views on marriage are absolutely nobody else's business. Wishing the two newlyweds all the very best.
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JRB Nov 13, 2021 04:25am
Wishing the young couple strength n blissful married life.
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SivaD Nov 13, 2021 04:27am
All the best, Malala. You are a gem and wish you both a very happy partnership of equals.
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M.Ismail Tabassum Nov 13, 2021 05:32am
We congratulate the young lady for her new life journey. She is leader of many Pakistani and around he world young girls.
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Ahmed Nov 13, 2021 07:43am
To all the feminists who have an issue with this please let us know how is Malala suppose to have a romantic life without marriage? She is a Muslim. Marriage is the only way to have a romance in her life. This is how it should be. As for patriarchy. Define it and the fight it. Leave the institute of marriage alone. You won't be bringing any changes anyway. It's beyond your power.
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Anuj Nov 13, 2021 09:50am
Congrats to the young couple.
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Khalid Masood Nov 13, 2021 12:02pm
Congratulations both Malala Yousafzai and her husband Asser Malik. He is more lucky than Imran Khan Prime Minister of Pakistan. Now he is husband of Nobel laureate Malala Yousafzai! Khalid Masood
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Hanna Nov 13, 2021 02:46pm
@Hyder so what? if cricketers, actors musicians, generals, industrialists, feudalists and muftis can become politicians then why not her?
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Taimur Nov 13, 2021 04:23pm
@Ahmed A forced marriage can never turn into romance. A successful arranged marriage in most cases is just a compromise.
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Sara Nov 13, 2021 05:26pm
@Non Pushtoon Pakistani Ah I am from Punjab and yeah I could totally relate to her :)
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Sardar Khan Nov 13, 2021 07:55pm
Afghani married a Pakistani?
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Nawaz Ahmed Nov 13, 2021 11:40pm
@M. Emad Are you also confused about yourself ?
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Rahul Nov 15, 2021 10:40pm
Congratulations Malala !!
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