Hi Auntie,

My sister has been married to a hashish addict for 15 years. She got married when I was a child. It has been years of torment and abuse for my sister. She is now a mother of seven children. Five years ago, her husband married another woman. Time and again, he has threatened to kill my sister, and has guns in his possession.

Today, his second wife hanged herself. I somehow, managed to rescue my sister, along with her two sons. I think my brother-in-law has serious mental health problems. He has imprisoned his mother and my nieces. I don’t know what to do. No law enforcement agencies are functional in South Waziristan where we live. The police have only recently been installed, but they do not get involved in cases of domestic violence because of cultural restraints. So we are on our own.

I think I don’t have any other option but to kill him. I don’t know how you could help me with this, but I am writing this out of sheer desperation. I cannot stand my sister’s torment anymore and am afraid that she will end up like his second wife. Perhaps, this is the fate of women in South Waziristan who don’t get coverage by mainstream media.

Regards,

Loving Brother

‘I cannot stand my sister’s torment anymore’

Dear Loving Brother,

I am so sorry to hear that your sister is a victim of domestic violence. However, she is really blessed to have a loving and concerned brother like you. At the same time, you need to understand that there is only so much you can do and taking someone’s life can only land you in greater trouble. Do not go down this route!

To be honest, I would be much happier if I had received an appeal for help from your sister herself. That would give me more hope for her situation.The old saying, “You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make him drink it”, is particularly appropriate in your case. You can write to me for advice, and you can hatch schemes to save your sister and her children, but it will only work if your sister rrealises that she is being victimised by her husband and if she agrees to cooperate with you and leave her situation.

I don’t know your brother-in-law so I have no idea to what extent he can go if he has been rejected. Some men, as we have unfortunately seen in the Noor Mukaddam case, can do the worst things imaginable to avenge their sense of rejection. This is the sad reality for many women in sections of our society. And many of them do not leave because they will literally be killed.

You could try writing to the PM on the Citizen’s Portal or writing to your province’s CM. You could also leverage the power of traditional and social media by sending your sister’s story where it could receive attention from the powers that be.

If there is a way to whisk her out of the country to a safer place, that may be a plan, albeit a long term one. Some countries offer asylum for protection and you could research to see if your sister and her children qualify as it could change their lives for the better. There are also shelter homes for women in Pakistan, but finding a space for your sister and her seven children may not be easy. Most of the information you need is a Google search away, so research your options.

If your sister agrees to receive your help and is able to cope with the fear that her husband might seek revenge, you can start working on a plan. For the option of seeking asylum, I would strongly recommend collecting evidence of the violence and the abuse. Is there any record of the second wife committing suicide? Also keep copies in different locations.

As an aside, a review by the Islamic Ideology Council has halted the legislation of Pakistan’s Domestic Violence Bill. This is definitely not helping victims of domestic abuse.

Your biggest hurdle will be in helping her gather strength to take decisive steps towards a better life. I wish you and your sister’s family all the best.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query.Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, August 1st, 2021

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