Assalam-o-Alaikum Auntie!  
I am a girl and these days I am very depressed. I graduated in April 2021. During my university days, my teacher proposed to me on WhatsApp. Although he is my ideal teacher and I liked him very much, but I still said ‘no’ to him because, at that time, I thought it was wrong of him to do that. 

Later, I also developed feelings for him. Luckily, he proposed to me again after my graduation. I was so happy that I said yes to him. I told him to send an official proposal for me to my family and he agreed to that but he told me that he would do so after two to three months. During this time, I rejected three other proposals. I was expecting his proposal on Eid-ul-Fitr. After Eid, when I asked him about the proposal, he told me that his parents have agreed to our marriage but there was some ongoing issue regarding his brother’s proposal, so his family were unable to send our marriage proposal for the time being.

I asked him if he was leaving me and he said never. But his texts and attitude indicate that he is not serious about this matter anymore. Auntie, I am really depressed nowadays and can’t share all this with anyone. I feel like I am bursting inside. I feel very guilty about all these things and regret that I started talking to and had a relationship with my teacher, even though I have not dated him officially.
Waiting

Dear Waiting
There is a Chinese saying that seems apt here: ‘Talk doesn’t cook rice.’ This seems to be what this man is doing to you. Giving you words and empty promises while not putting any action behind what he is saying. Propose the following to this man. Tell him that you will say yes to the next appropriate marriage proposal that comes your way. Let him know you cannot wait for marriage any longer and have already turned away enough good proposals.

‘He is not serious about marrying me’

I want to get into this man’s psychology a little and see that he understands that you are waiting for him. He has your attention and now it seems he may have lost interest. It is an old game that a lot of people play. I am not saying that this particular man is doing this, but it very well could be. Since you are in the situation, you decide if this is the case.

People don’t always pursue those that they love. There are people who chase you just because you initially said no. It becomes an ego thing. Then they lose interest once the other person starts showing an interest because, as far as they are concerned, they got you interested and the game is over. There are also people who will pursue you out of curiosity. And once that curiosity is satisfied, they move on. It sounds ruthless, but it happens.

There are also people who chase others just as a challenge, to see if they could get the other person interested. Subconsciously, they are proving to themselves that they are still attractive. Also, sometimes a person loses interest in someone they were pursuing, because they figured he or she wasn’t all that they thought they would be. A man might pursue a pretty face only to conclude that their personalities are not compatible.

There could be many things going on in this man’s head. It is not your job to figure out what he is thinking. It is your job to look out for your interests and take care of yourself. I strongly suggest you give this man an ultimatum and take your focus away from him and pursue your own life and interests. Acknowledge that you are hurt by how this man is behaving, but don’t dwell on it endlessly.

Start taking care of yourself. Seriously consider any marriage proposals that come your way and explore other marriage options. Nothing, especially not a man who leaves you hanging, is more important than your own interest. If it happens, good for you. If it doesn’t, I promise you there are plenty of (better) fish out there.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, July 11th, 2021